Love, Hate Or Something Like it
by Eveilae
Summary: CHAPTER 11 UP! A girl and a boy. They seem awfully confused as to which emotion they feel, love, hate. . .or something like it. HAHA A SUMMARY!
1. 01

**A:/n:: ** sorry if this chapter has a past tense. Next chapters will be in present tense. Sorry for the mis. 

Chapterone l

****

**Ariadne Chant::**

I watched Sirius Black walk into the room. But of course his little squad followed him in. Not that he is the leader or anything. He just in the one that catches my eye the most. When I see him, I know the other three aren't far behind.

He had the long-ish hair that was in those years, but of course he was just plain good-looking. He had some vestiges of his earlier acne, which he had worsened in this third year with a spell. But the spell had long ago worn off and so had the zits.

He had this sort of kingly attitude. As I watched him, he seemed lord-like, as if he were on a higher platform. As if he were there just to make us feel special, watching this living god living amongst us.

Now I know better. He was no god. He was just a boy with a large ego and big expectations for the future.

His quartet, consisting of James Potter, a good looking jerk who was Sirius's best friend, Peter Petingree, a kid who had joined up with the toughest clique, but who inside was clever and kind enough in his own right, and last of all was Remus Lupin, a quieter version of all of James and Sirius's good qualities put together, and some of his own bad qualities.

Maybe it would have been easier for me to fall in love with Remus Lupin. It would have saved me a hell of a lot of trouble. I mean, I always thought he was sweet. He was reasonable as well, a quality that Sirius and James couldn't ever claim to have. But Remus had eyes for only one girl, the one girl whom they both should have known he couldn't have.

But as much as Remus was obsessed with **her **such was I with the unreachable Sirius Black. So I needed an excuse to get close to him. Anything. So I approached Lily, who was standing nearby to the quartet. She was a tall redhead, who had talked to me a couple of times. It wouldn't have seemed very strange if I just happened to need my DADA homework, right?

Watching Sirius out of the corner of my eye, I got up from my comfortable armchair, to approach Lily, who was standing talking to a friend. The friend saw me approach and I cannot begin to suppose what caused her to give me such an evil eye. She seemed to have excused herself from Lily's presence, the very moment I began to greet Lily. She smiles at me, her eyes silently questioning why I had come.

Just my luck that as soon as my question had been phrased, spoken and heard, the quartet came upon us. Whether it was bad luck, or good luck, I have yet to find out.

"Hey, Lily, babe." I heard James's voice right behind me. I knew he was about to push me to one side, so to save him the trouble I just stepped aside for him. I turned enough to watch the scene unfold without being too much involved.

James approached Lily and lifted her chin up with a finger. "What's a girl like you doing on your lonesome when you could be with us?" he gave her what he obviously thought was a sexy smile. It just perverted his looks.

By the way, the comment of Lily being 'on her lonesome' kind of offended me. You know, I might not have been super-popular like Mr. Fuckbag over there, but I least he should have had the decency to make sure I counted as a person. Yeah, and he wondered why Lily hated being touched by him.

"Well, me personally, I would rather be by myself than be with an asshole. But thanks for that tempting offer." She moved away from him, and slid a parchment out of her bag. "Here it is. See you in class tomorrow." She smiled politely, and began her trek up to the girls' dorms with a single glance back at James. This infuriated him beyond what he seemed to want to reveal.

"Lily, you're just going to leave me here like that?" James continued in a hurt voice. I heard Sirius mutter a spell under his breath, and suddenly Lily stopped moving, and fell like a piece of cardboard on the ground. Her eyes were blazing. I heard Remus say something nearby, but I wasn't paying him much mind.

James strutted towards Lily and wrapped his arms around her from the back. "Oh, Lily. You cannot get rid of me that easily, you know. Not at all. . ." he drawled this slowly and chuckled.

As if I was about to let this happen. I flipped my wrist slightly and James moved as if pushed by an invisible hand, several feet away from Lily. My head throbbed, but I ignored the pain. He lifted his head and sent a confused glance at Lily. He moved to return to Lily, who had fallen across the chair. Remus pulled his sleeve before he could take too many steps, and muttered loudly enough for me to hear. "James, don't do this."

Before I could give James a good piece of my mind, I felt a rough hand pull me away from James by the collar of my cloak. "Hey, maybe there's a lesson to be taught here." The voice sent a shiver through me, although the tone of voice was anything but friendly. I felt Sirius's breath down my neck, as he laughed.

"Let me go." I tried to speak firmly, but I don't think I succeeded. I was trembling, and I knew he could feel it.

A hand slipped down from my neck to my waist. "I think not. You shouldn't be so brave. Remus, give me a hand, will you?"

I couldn't see him, but I could hear him speak. "Sure, mate." He glanced at James for a second, as if to make sure James's hadn't gone to Lily again, and then began casting a spell. Soon I was as stiff as Lily was and the only thing holding me up were Sirius's arms.

"Not the spell I was thinking of, but it'll do. It'll do." I felt Sirius's hand close my eyes gently. I felt myself being moved and I wondered why no one thought of stopping the quartet. I knew the answer, because I had often been an witness to the group's pranks. No one wanted to be on the receiving end of their wrath.

I felt myself being bended and I would have cried out if I control over my mouth. I heard some laughing, but no more voices. I felt someone next to me once again. Then I felt someone nearby, and then came something that would have made me jump if I could have. The rough feel of lips on mine made my heart beat fast, but as rapidly as it had happened, that rapidly it was gone. Then, through the pounding I could feel in my ears, I heard Sirius's voice. "Teach you a bit about being brave, it will." Then footsteps seemed to go away.

For a long time I heard little else, besides the nervous chatter around the GCR. Most people weren't brave enough to stand up against the powers of any one of the marauders alone, much less all together. Even at fifteen, Sirius was a force to be reckoned with. Even if this power only currently extended to the Hogwarts student.

Then, at long last I heard soft moving sounds somewhere behind me. Then footsteps. Finally someone was beside me, and casting a spell. At last, I thought, a person either kind enough or rational enough to realize that the marauders wouldn't know who broke their spell.

When at last I could open my eyes, I saw the form of Lily. Oh, I though to myself, I guess there are no rational creatures in this house. "Thanks for the help." She seemed grateful enough anyway, when she helped me up. Her words lacked a certain about of sincerity, though, as if she wasn't sure she had really wanted my help.

I shrugged. "People have got to team up against gits, I guess."

She gave me a small smile and a shrug. Her hair was a frissy mop on top of her head, but she still had that charm that made her look pretty. No wonder James was crazy about her. "Yeah. I guess. I just wish sometimes I didn't look like this." She winced as if she had just jixed herself, but continued anyway, "Maybe then James would stop harassing me."

"You should tell a teacher." I responded easily, picking up my bag from the chair where I had left it. "Someone. This shouldn't go on." She talks as if beauty has its price. Well, I suppose it does, but one as me doesn't know that. And if she looked more like me, she would easy decide that she would rather be herself. Any attention is better than none. Isn't it?

She sighed deeply and shook her head. She had the face that glowed when she smiled, and yet it remained as beautiful when she was serious. I would have died for a face like that. Yet, she wanted it gone. She had bright red hair. Hair as red a fire. No, hair as red as sin. You could tell from just the shade of that wicked red hair that she would be hard to tame for anyone who was brave enough to dare attempt the task. "Nah. He'd deny it and it'd turn into a huge problem. I'd rather deal with it myself." She smiled again and left me standing there, with everyone staring at me from the corners of their eyes. Oh damn. I had just proved Lily right. This horrible sort of attention was far worse than being ignored.

I knew this from experience.

And she thinks _she's_ got problems.

**Sirius Black:******

Why couldn't I forget it? Come on, she was just some girl who thought it would be cool to stand up to us. And we shoved her back her place, like we had to so many others. Then why was she in my head so much? She wasn't even pretty. But that was always the case, wasn't it? In the stories, the hero turns out being the clever and kind one, not the drop dead sexy one. That latter was just there for sex appeal.

I lightly ran my fingers over the faded brown cover on the book. It was plain, no decorations, or anything. And it had no name. Still, I knew to whom it belonged to.

While the girl's eyes had been closed and she was unable to move anyway, we looked through her bag. We didn't speak, since we didn't want the girl to know what we were doing. Most of the stuff was stupid, homework and books and boring things that none of us cared for. But then we came upon the plain brown book. Remus, grabbing the book first, opened it up to a random page. He read slowly and then tossed to the book to me.

"Yours, mate," he had mouthed and we had all gotten up, sure that our pillaging of the girl's bag had been a waste. Except for the book. I gave Remus a look, one full of questions. He just smiled that mysterious smile that all of us hate, and we left.

Once outside, I had planned on asking Remus what the book was about. But Remus has a weird way of turning to a wolf sometimes, and it had been time. I couldn't really expect an answer from wolf man when he was wolfish, did I?

And then there was whatever sleep we could get. And then there was class. And then I was sitting on my bed in my dorm, wondering why I couldn't just open the damn thing and find out why Remus had given it to me.

Drat, I curse, and I noisily throw the book across the room. It slams against the wall and falls to the ground; it's pages bent and a few loose papers float down behind it. I move to pick the mess up, but think better of it.

Instead I throw myself back against my pillow, muttering about stupid girls who think they are strong enough to do anything to us. Please. She had asked for it. I mean, if I read it, she totally deserves it. My eyes flash towards the book again, but I look away quickly. I should read it. To spite her. To show her how she can't just treat me like that. No way.

But I don't move. I just lay there, staring at the ceiling. And let the memories just flowed back. She had soft skin.

I cry out in inner anguish. Why had I been the one to touch her? Why had I been the one to kiss her? God, before that I hadn't even remembered her name. Remus and Peter had told me, in class, pointing her out when I asked between Dumbledore's breathe breaks. He was the sort who just went on. If you had his class you would realize how difficult it is to gossip in the middle of his class.

Oh come on, it wasn't even a kiss! It was more of a . . .peck. A touch, maybe. Not a kiss. Damn, I had given way better kisses. It wasn't a kiss, because she didn't kiss back. Yeah, that was it. It wasn't a kiss because she hadn't kissed back.

Her lips had been soft. **Ugh!** He was thinking of hooking back up with that leech he'd once claimed to love, Esperanza. But he immediately rejected that thought. Just the thought of her made his skin crawl. And sometimes the line between the good skin crawling and the bad skin crawling blurred. This made it much worse.

The next day In Divination I am placed to work with the girl. Her name is Ariadne Chant. I'd been spitting out the name, the day before, practicing for when I would have to say it to her. I sit down next to her, and whisper as harshly as I can, "What kind of name is Ariadne?"

She doesn't even turn to look at me. "Well at least I wasn't named after a STAR. Twinkle, twinkle little star. How I wonder how dumb you are." The teacher begins speaking before I can respond. Not that I have a single thing to say, but I would have come up with something. I'm good at that.

"Now, you will tell each other's future. Use whatever method you wish. If you are in need of assistance, just ask." Now, this guy had taken over when our last teacher was fired [drug problems, I heard], and he seems like the real thing. The problem is that he's pretty boring.

Ariadne roughly glances my way. Then she hastily gets up and goes up to the front desk where our professor is laying out all the items we might need for the project. She picks a cup and some tealeaves. As she returns to our table, she brusquely places them down.

As she heats the water with a simple spell and makes the tea in silence, I stared at her. She's so intent on her work, she doesn't even notice. Her thin hands wrap around the spoon like spider legs. Her sharp facial features are unmoving, like stone. Her back remains rigid and her hair falls smoothly down her back like water.

As she finishes I pretended to be looking down at my book.

She pushes the book aside and slides the cup right under my nose. Without looking at her, I pick up the cup and blow away the steam. "It's hot."

"It's tea," she replies simply.

I sigh and take a sip. It's scalding and I can barely swallow it. I throw her an angry glare. She obviously overheated it on purpose, but there is little I can do about it. So I just drink the rest of it as quickly as I can, and I feel as if I can breath fire afterwards. I snatch the spoon she offers me from her hand, and swirl the contents three times clockwise. I place the cup upside down over the saucer, then I turn it back over. After this I silently pass the spoon and the cup back to Ariadne and wait for her to interpret my future. I wonder if she will even tell the truth.

"There's an a hat near the bottom, so, er," she turns a few pages in her textbook and continues, "improvement, especially in new job. A job, you? Whoa. Mountains, great goal, but difficulties." Her reading attract the professor and he soon begins looking at my cup from over her shoulder. "A broken ring at the bottle, which mean long engagement-"

The professor clicks his tongue and shakes his head. "This is a bit of the worst reading I've seen in a while." Ariadne turns red at the insult, but doesn't answer. The professor takes the cup from her hands. "The ring you mentioned is obviously a necklace. It's broken, so it means loss of a lover. Wavy lines, an uncertain path. There's a door, which signals an odd event. And an axe, so there will be difficulties in your life. A fan, flirtation. A rabbit, need for bravery. These are on the right of the handle, which means these are in the future. There is a fly, which is domestic annoyance. A rose, which is popularity. These are in the past.

"There is an interesting life in store for you, Sirius Black. You can be sure of that." He hands Ariadne back the cup and walks to another group. We say nothing and I prepare for my own assignment.

"Hand." I decide to speak as sparsely as possible. She gives me her left hand and waits. I just hold it a moment, sensing how warm it feels in my own hands. But then I get to work. "A little coarser than average." I use one hand to flip to a page in my book that describes exactly what this means. "Resistant to disease and lacking of sensitivity." I hear her sniff a little in disbelief, but I ignore it.

"Er, elastic, I think. Means," I glance again at the book, "vitality, and enthusiasm. Long fingers, which means lots of patience, and an attention to detail. You have a deeply etched Life line, so you have a strong physical constitution. It's wide, so whoo-hoo, you have sympathy, endurance, stamina, and a passion for life. Where is all this sympathy towards me?" I try to joke around, but she doesn't answer.

"There's a wide space between your head line and life line, so you're reckless. No surprise there. You're heart line reaches between your index and middle fingers, so you have strong emotional feelings, but think before expressing them." I chuckle for a moment, and then I continue. "You're not sexually impulsive."

"Very funny, Sirius." Which is the first thing she's said to me since I had begun reading her palm. "You won't ever know."

"There's a branch coming from your life line, heading towards the Venus mount, which means there'll be an important person in your life. It's short, so this important person won't be in your life long." I stare at the stem of the thumb for a moment. "Er, it looks like you you'll have a small family."

She snatches her hand away. "Thanks for the uplifting information," she answers, her voice dripping with bitterness. I instantly felt guilty, but what could I do? I don't understand why having a family can make her feel sad. All I said had been in her hand, and I feel the need to be truthful with her.

All I can do is stare at her, as she scribbles something down on a large parchment, probably the essay we need to have done by Monday on what we had just done. Her hand, which was an open book for her personality, held the pen tightly. Her lips were slightly parted, like she was thinking of what to say.

She caught me looking and immediately left her seat to ask to go to the bathroom.

****

**Ariadne Chant::**

Why had he been staring at me? It was as if he thought I couldn't feel it. How could I not? It would have made me glad, if I had been sure his reason for inspecting me. I mean, who knows what he can do to me. I don't want to give him any ammo.

But I'm glad he had chosen palmistry. He held my hand a long time, and he even had to caress my hand. I brought myself to actually listen to him speak for short periods of time. I could barely answer. I had been in a state of shock.

But the fact that my hands said I would have children scared me. I didn't want children. Whoever has children stands the risk of losing them. I don't have parents, and I don't want children.

Needless to say, the classes that follow seem to matter little. Late that night, I find I can't sleep, and I walk down to the Common Room. I sit there in the darkness of the room and the memories flow. Like I do sometimes, I let them pass through my head like butterflies, fluttering past at unknown intervals, sometimes reminding me of things I'd rather forget.

All the people that have died, all the people I have lost. The family I never had. The family I did. The family I lost.

I grunt, and make the memories recede once again, back into the very back of my mind. I decide to do what I usually do when the memories give me the heebie-jeebies. I take out my diary and let out my rants. Or at least I try. When I reach into my bag to find the book, my hand comes out empty.

I check and check, but my bag is empty of the book.

And now I have nothing solid to hold the memories that just a few moments before were floating around me back. And the tears come out, steady and silently. I mutter incoherently and sit there in that chair until sleep takes a hold of me and for a few moments I can have peace.

When I wake, it is still night, and I realize I could not have slept much more than half an hour. And I hear something behind me. I turn and stare through the darkness at-

Nothing. I sigh and lean back into the chair. What was it that had made me wake up? I swear I had felt something. Heard something, whatever.

I shrug it off and hold my face in my hands. I pull my hands away when my face came back wet. I was crying?

Had I been crying in my sleep? I feel ashamed for some reason, even though I know I'm alone.

"You? Oh come ON! Of all the people that could be here right now, it has to be you." I hear the voice right, yet I still hope I'm hearing wrong.

I look up at the shadow that is looking at me from the top of the armchair. "Oh. You." I don't give Sirius anything more.

"Can't you, er, find your way upstairs so I can stay here in peace?" I can imagine his look of pure disdain, but still I can't help thinking how hot he looks anyway.

"So this whole room is yours now? Who died and made you king?" I make sure my voice doesn't display any of my true feelings.

"What, you want to be in the same room with me all night?" He doesn't say anything for a few beats. "Ugh, listening to myself I shudder. I did not mean that in a sex way. Just in a I-don't-like-you-you-don't –like-me-so-we-don't-want-to-be-in-the-same-room kind of way. Yes. What I just said." I don't answer. I mean, what can I say to that? Actually, no, I really like you. Can I kiss you now?

"Ok, ok. Make me feel stupid. I can deal with that." He mutters this so low that I'm not sure I heard him at all.

"What? Make you feel stupid? You mean make you realize you are stupid, right?" I try to make sure I make my fake feelings known.

"You're so funny, Ariadne. I don't know why I'm not more attracted to you. Oh, I know! It's because you're a snob!" I can't stop the gasp from escaping my lips. Shit, did he hear that? He might get the wrong idea. Or the right idea, which would be bad.

We don't really talk for a few seconds, which makes me really uncomfortable. Jesus, what does he think of me now?

"So. Either you leave, or I do."

"It's you."

He doesn't move. I can tell by the way his shadow, well, doesn't move. And when he does move, I don't see him anymore. And I can't seem to keep my eyes open anymore. I fall asleep, slumped in the armchair like a doll.

**Sirius Black::**

****

I know what I felt. I know it and I'm sure of it, but still I don't want to face it. Ariadne Chant, Miss I'm-Way-Too-Cool-For-The-World was crying. In her sleep. Which is a good thing. Now my ice princess image of her does not need to be spoiled. When people cry in their sleep, it doesn't count.

Right?

I'm half asleep in Divination class when I hear the professor telling us to get back in our groups. I almost curse out loud. Was this guy serious? After what I know, he puts us back together as partners. Now what? We have to use that penis/breast reading form of divination? That might have made my day.

I don't want to look at Ariadne directly in the face. I know Ariadne had been crying last night, and looking her in the face might make the question pop out. After all, it was her eyes the tears came from. Her cheeks I felt them from. . .

Bloody hell, since when am I poet?

At last I turn, giving into the desire to look at her. I didn't know that what had made me look at Ariadne so much the day before had been so strong. So for a moment or two I just stare at her face. "Ariadne, why do you cry?"

She turns and looks at me. She frowns and raises an eyebrow. But behind the ice princess mask I can see a shadow of real fear. "Er, can I ask what brings that up?"

I look down at my hands, suddenly not wanting to tell Ariadne anything. Well, oh course I don't. I mean, how can I tell her I reached out to touch her cheek as we passed her by while Prongs, Wormtail, and I were under the cloak? And my hand came back wet? And that she sniffled?

"I heard you. " I go for the simplified version.

"You. . ." she swallows hard, "heard me?" She doesn't look me in the eyes, avoiding my glance like I'm the sun.

I lean in closer and drop my voice to a whisper. "Look, I won't tell anyone. I promise. I just want to know-"

She pulls away roughly and gets up from her stool. "What do you care?" she says angrily. Then she stalks off, probably to ask the professor for permission to be excused to the bathroom. Again. I curse and slam my head against the table to punish myself for my own stupidity.

How could I just have given it away like that? I didn't even bring it into the conversation slowly. I just plow in, like a tow truck, shaking up things. Shaking up things that don't need to be shaken up.


	2. 02

A/n:: haha new chapter, I win!!!  
  
Chapter two l  
  
Ariadne Chant::  
  
How long had Sirius had been in the Common Room? Surely not half an hour, waiting for me to wake up. So how else had he known I was crying? Sure, my cheeks had been wet, but that where the darkness had worked for me. I could not have known by just looking at me.  
Unless he had touched me.  
Which would almost make sense, seeing as how a touch had awakened me in the first place. But the one things that didn't make sense are the reasons. Why would Sirius, who seemed to either not care for me at all, or possible hate me, want to touch my cheek. And at the same time realize I was crying?  
At dinner Sirius once again came up to him. I really didn't wish to speak with him, at all. But what else could be done? Sirius is stubborn if nothing else.  
He leans in and says in soft voice, "Look, sorry for being so direct before. I-" He pauses, and looks down at the table, seeming more nervous by the second. "I was just worried. I don't know, I just wanted to be sure there was nothing happing with you. I don't want-" He stops again, but this time doesn't continue.  
"Look, you don't need to worry about me, Sirius. I can take care of myself." I almost stop there, but I realize how snobby it all sounds, and I add a polite, "But thanks anyway." I push away from the table, and get up.  
I try not to look at him as I walk off, and I succeed. I don't know what it is about him that gets me so nervous. Maybe it's the fact that before this, he never seemed to notice me. I don't know and I can speak plainly I don't rightly care. All I know is that I do feel this way, and that sometimes I can barely restrain myself from doing something rash.  
  
Sirius Black::  
  
I can do nothing to get Ariadne to open up. So for a couple of weeks I just accept that and I try to continue life. But it doesn't work, you see. I can't seem to get her out of my head and I keep track of her, almost unwittingly. I worry that's all.  
And might just stay like that. Worrying without a purpose, without even a reason beyond the fact that she was crying one night.  
But one day I see something that actually gives me a reason. She's outside, which isn't strange or anything. It's warm and anyone staying inside would have to be stupid. And I'm staring at her, like the stalker I am.  
So I see the two guys that approach her. One has long crimson red hair that tends to hang in his eyes and a tiny silver hoop in one ear, like a pirate. I feel the urge to ask him if he got the memo that pirates were wiped out. The other guy has short, blonde hair and a hard, chiseled face. I'm not sure who they were, though I might have heard rumors of them. And the rumors aren't of the best sort. I can't hear exact words but there's such thing as body language. And I can tell they are flirting with her. Or, since this girl's name is Ariadne, well, they don't have much chance to begin with.  
But, hey, you've got to give them points for trying.  
She barely says anything, but they persist. I can see her eyes cold watching them, but their backs are to me so I can't see much.  
One of the guys step up to her and pull her up from where she sat with her back against the tree. I decide that if I'm going to act, this could be as good time as any. So I walk as steadily as I can towards the group and-  
The wannabe pirate suddenly pulls Ariadne close and I can see what he's going to do. And I know impulsively that I don't want it to happen. I know I will do anything to stop it. So I go with the simple way.  
"Hello." The guy lets go of Ariadne rather quickly and spins around to look at me.  
In a voice deeper than I had expected the pirate answers, "Let me guess. You're the boyfriend." I shoot Ariadne a look. Had she said she had a boyfriend? After a second of consideration I realized that I didn't even know if she did have a boyfriend. Ariadne just looks back blankly. "I'm guessing you want your whore back."  
It happens so fast that I barely realize it's happening. Before I know it the whole right side of the pirates face is bright red in the shape of hand. I feel my hands shoving the pirate down and curses flying out of my mouth. But I soon leave him when I realize that Ariadne ran off. In the wrong direction.  
Into the Forbidden Forest.  
  
Ariadne Chant::  
  
Those guys had the nerve to talk to me that way. But at first they had seemed halfway decent, you know? Probably not guys I would want fathering my children, but I guess I can't trust my intuition anymore. So I slap the bastard and run. I don't realize where I'm running until it's too late and by that time I'm not about to turn around.  
So I keep running. But I stop pretty quickly, seeing as how I'm not the world's best runner. But you see, I never go into the Forbidden Forest. It holds the name, Forbidden Forest for a reason. There live things in there that I am just not ready to fight against.  
So I sit down beside a huge root and gasp for breath. I guess I run pretty far for me to be this out of breath. I lean against the root and watch my surroundings with suspicion. What if I encounter a werewolf? I know I need to stop thinking of things like these, but I can't stop myself. I make up these impossible scenarios and how gory my death will be.  
I know I'm lost. How can I ever get out of here? What was it that made me come in here in the first place? Was I possessed? I guess for a second or two I would have rather been killed by evil creatures than face to teenagers. What was I thinking?  
But I began to hear noises. Wait, hadn't I seen Sirius when I began running? I had, but what difference did it make? Sirius wouldn't risk his life for me. But he might just get someone. Anyone. I would be found. Even the very thought of that comforted me and made me breath easier.  
But the noises came closer. I was beginning to get scared again. What if something got to me before I could be found? I balled myself up into the smallest shape I could, and listened.  
It sounded like a dog, a heavy dog. I held my breath and closed my eyes. Then I something soft push at my face. I begun to look up and feel the air shift. I see a dark tall shadow, and I frown. Okay, I know I had heard more than two feet, but here was a human.  
"Are you okay?" I manage to get myself up when I hear his voice. I lean my back against the tree trunk and just stare at him for a little while. Why the hell had he followed me?  
"Okay," he said slowly. "I'm guessing you are." I hear another noise and spin around, ready for anything. But there was nothing there and I sigh in relief. Sirius puts a hand on my arm. "Look, calm down. I won't let anything happen to you."  
I give him a look of pure disdain that I don't really feel. "Look, Sirius, I don't need you to protect me. Please." I pull away from his grip. "So. In what direction's the castle?" I watch Sirius pause and I grimace. "Oh god, please, tell me you remember."  
"Look, I didn't really think. I just wanted to know if you were alright." His face is full of shadow and I can't tell what he's feeling from his face. But I have my ways. I don't know for how long I've been able to read minds, but I can. I can't do it too well; it tires me out a lot. But in this case I wanted to know if he was sincere.  
GOD CAN'T A GUY- JUST WANTED TO-I CAN"T CHANGE IN FRONT-SHE CAN'T- STUPID TO COME-WHY SHE LIKE-DOES SHE KNOW?  
I stop reading his mind and frown. I can't seem to understand thoughts very well, so I pretty much waste my time and get very tired. I sit back down next to the root and close my eyes.  
I hear a noise again but I don't have the strength to look up. I don't hear anything for a little bit, but I still can't look up. I feel like sleeping. "Ariadne?"  
I jump, but expecting to hear Sirius's voice so close to my ear. I turn and the shadow that is his face is close. Too close. I get up and brush off the dirt from my cloak, even though it's not bright enough to even see the dirt.  
"Ariadne, are you all right?" he continues, can't he see I don't want to talk? I'm tired. A few blinks later, not so tired, but okay.  
And all of a sudden he grabs my shoulders and is shaking me. "Ariadne, what the hell is wrong?" His breath this coming out in short burst. So either he was just doing push-ups, or he's pissed off. I try to shake this off, but he refuses to let go.  
"Ariadne." His voice loses the edge it had a few seconds ago. "What is up with you? Why can't you just accept the fact that there are some people out there who want to help you? You don't expect anything back. Let me just help you. Rant, whatever. Just talk to me. "  
"You're wrong." I keep voice hard and make sure he knows I'm not on the verge of a breakdown. "People always want something back. Maybe not then, but eventually, they do. And I just don't fit with people, okay? I don't want to have connections with anyone." My voice begins to crack and I stop. "I've lost enough people, okay?"  
"So you stay away from people because you're afraid you'll get hurt? Sometimes you've got to task risks. If you don't feel anything for anyone, what's the point of living?" But he doesn't understand. How could he?  
"You don't know anything about me, okay? You don't know who I've lost, or anything else about me. Stop pretending we're friends. We're not."  
I push away from him. "Just-" I ball up my fists and slam them into the large tree. "You don't grow up in a goddamn orphanage and fit in. You lose people, there. And I'm sick of it!" I run my hands through my hair. "Oh screw this."  
"The way out is that way." The simplicity of his voice, it calms me down. It's not like I let him take my hand and lead me out of there. I just follow. I don't say anything. But I feel better. I've let the thing that's weighed me down for so long.  
And I really feel better.  
  
Sirius Black::  
  
Look, problem child and Ariadne had always kind of gone hand in hand, but this was bad. She hadn't even noticed that her own hands had begun to bleed.  
I had never thought that Ariadne might need help. Serious help. She needs someone pay her some mind. Because hey, maybe it's just me, but Ariadne doesn't have too many people to be with her. And with this, I might actually be the one of the people that is.  
So that's what I'm thinking about when I'm sitting in the GCR.  
Forgive me for not being the best of people, but I just can't start talking to her. What if other people saw me? What if Prongs or one of the others saw me? It could ruin everything. But knowing me, I know I can figure out a way to get the best of both worlds.  
So when Ariadne comes in, like I knew she would, Her long black hair is down, like usual. She holds her bag possessively, like usual. Really, the only thing that isn't usual is the fact that her hands are bandaged, and that she looks right at me. I know what to do. I, as most inconspicuously as I can, call her over. She seems and seems to hesitate. Maybe baring her soul to me hadn't made our connection any stronger. Any wrong move could easily turn her away from me.  
  
I smile. Come on, I know how to lay on the charm.  
She sits down next to me and looks at me through the veil of her hair. "What do you want?" AH, it seems she on the defensive. I must change this.  
"Nothing. I just want to know how you are." Kindness has got to get through to that shell, right?  
"Look, I'm not a charity case now that I'm an orphan. You can just cut that crap out. I don't want your kindness, and I don't need it. Get over yourself." She stands up and glares at me with disdain. "You're no hero." And she walks away. Hey, at least I was trying. God she just can't get over her own self. I'm starting to think she doesn't have anyone because she let anyone in.  
Well, no duh, I think to myself. She kind of explained that in the Forbidden Forest. She doesn't want to get hurt.  
And then there's a cat. This cat is pretty white with the exception of random grayish streaks along it's back. And the cat rubs against my legs. I raise my eyebrow at the randomness of this. Most owners rarely leave their pets alone in the GCR.  
"Why do you bother?" I hear Ariadne's voice and I turn around. But she isn't there. I frown and wonder where the voice had come from. Suddenly the cat jumps onto my lap and stares at me. "You're that rude?"  
I jump in surprise. A cat. Talking. To me. Holy Christ. I push the cat off and get off the armchair. But the cat won't back down and stares at me some more. Her eyes are different, I guess. I've never seen a cat with gray eyes.  
"Why do you bother. " I look around and no one seems to notice. Come on, someone has to notice the talking cat. But no one does. And maybe if I answer the cat, it'll go away.  
"Bother with what?" I whisper so just in case I'm imagining the goddamn cat, I don't look like a retard.  
"With her." She doesn't need to elaborate. I know she's talking about Ariadne. But why? What does this cat have to do with Ariadne?  
"Because I want to. I can't be nice to someone now?" I glare at the cat. Why does helping Ariadne make everything suck? I should just leave her on her own.  
"But you never paid her any mind before. It is pity? Because if it is, it's not worth it. Pity will not help her. But while we're on the subject, neither will you. Leave her be." And the cat is gone. Not blink- your-eyes-and-she's-gone gone but more she-walks-behind-something-and-I- can't-see-her-anymore gone.  
What is it with Ariadne and weird?  
  
Ariadne Chant::  
  
I stare at my bandaged hands and I can't stand it. Am I really that far gone that I can't even feel when I bleed? I never felt a thing. And my hands were bloodied up pretty well. I couldn't go to the nurse she would be sure to ask questions and I can't stand interrogations. Why does Sirius torture me? It's not like I did anything to him. Is he really doing because he cares? Probably not. No doubt he told his friends and then they all decided it would be fun to make fun of the little orphan girl. I slam my hands down against my desk. This sends shiver of pain through my fingers and into my palm. I cry out in pain and curse. I hear nails tapping against the ground and curse again. I really don't need this. "So, I'm guessing Sirius actually being nice wasn't as good as you thought it might be, eh?" My cat, Isis, is back and ready to taunt me some more.  
"Shut up." I don't want to deal with my cat at the moment. She tends to hate the fact that I like Sirius and she's hated the fact that I'm actually getting to know him even more.  
She walks up to my bed and jumps up onto it. I'm sitting on the edge of it, and my lips tighten into a thin line to stop myself from screaming at Isis. And wouldn't that seem silly if anyone was watching [which I knew they aren't, I mean, I'm in my dorm and my dormmates hate me, so they rarely show up.] You see, when Isis doesn't want to show up, she doesn't. So I don't doubt that she's invisible right now, to the world except for me. And she's taunting me.  
And all I want is Sirius.  
Really. For all the indifference I show towards him, I do like him. A lot. And while Isis drones on about all of Sirius's bad points, all I can see is his face, looming towards mine, kind and understanding. Even knowing my secret, he cares. Is that so bad?  
Why does Isis want Sirius to stay away? Does she want to see me unhappy, with no one? All I want is Sirius. Is that so bad?  
I realize that Isis has stopped and I stop my thoughts to stare at her in confusion. What was wrong?  
"You spoke that last thought out loud," she states simply. "Those last few statements." Her gray eyes, that look so much like mine, drill into my own. They are so cold and I shiver. She wants me to agree with her. But I don't and doubt I ever will. I don't understand her reasoning at all.  
  
"Well, then you know the truth." I glare at her. "Why don't you want me to even talk to Sirius. You and I both agree I will never have a chance with him-"  
"Why don't you read his mind and find out?" She is daring me to do something I am scared to do.  
"You know it hurts me. I get those horrid headaches afterwards. It is really too much trouble. " I don't look at Isis because I know that if I do, Isis will know I'm lying. Which, of course she knows anyway.  
"Are you afraid?" With that single statement my temper flares. I pick up a book off my desk and I hurl it at my cat as hard as I can. She dodges the book, but the action is still there. I hiss at her and say, "Next time I see him, I'm going to say I'm sorry and tonight I'll dream about fucking his brains out."  
I storm out of the room, but not fast enough to escape her last comment.  
"One has nothing to do with the other."  
  
Sirius Black::  
  
I pick up the brown book. I know that this book is the key to Ariadne. But why do I hesitate to read it? I finally grit my teeth and open the book. It's in pretty much the center of the book, and Ariadne's stiff handwriting crowds the page. I scan it slowly, expecting something boring about school. Instead I read a list of random thoughts, names, curse words and dates. It goes on for a couple of pages. Then a regular entrie begins.  
'I saw him in the hallway with Eli today. Like to be her 24/7. Does she kiss him every time I'm near on purpose? Isis being annoying today, and has taken up a new hobby. A flaw finding hobby. For you know who.'  
I stop. Eli? As in Elizandria, my last girlfriend? I check the date and it seems about right. But that would mean. Whoa, somehow I can't see Ariadne liking me, even if it was almost a year ago.  
I flip more into the book, into the more recent entries. Some entries are like the first one I read, nothing in particular, just thoughts she writes down instead of screams. But others are regular entries. And whatever she felt for me in the first regular entry I'd read doesn't seem to go away.  
Is it possible she still felt that way?  
I keep reading late into the night. Eventually, though, my eyes grow heavy and the words blur. I close the book slowly and slide it under my pillow. Then, laying my head down onto the soft bed, I slumber fitfully. 


	3. 03

A/n:: yay. a review. Go reviews!  
  
Chapter three l  
  
Ariadne Chant::  
  
I sit in Divination class; for once not glad the professor hasn't put us in groups. If that isn't a chance to apologize, I don't know what is. I haven't really had a chance to talk to Sirius at all, and I had discussed this with Ambrose, my friend, at lunch, about an hour before. She had suggested just cornering him while we passed on to our new class, but this is easier said than done. So I pass the class in deep thought as to how to corner Sirius. When the bell rings, I haven't thought of anything good. But as soon as I see him stand up and head for the door with his friends, I know that I have to do something or I will go mad. So I pick up my things as quickly as I can and rush to the exit. I try to overtake Sirius but I can't, not with all these people between him and me. So I slow to a walk and grunt in annoyance. I decide that I'll make up an excuse when I get to class as to why I was late. I take a sudden turn towards the bathroom, instead of to Herbology outside. I take a deep breath as I get to the bathroom. And immediately I cough. Our bathrooms don't smell any cleaner than Muggle ones. So I walk into the back and snap open a window. The cold, biting wind of outside makes me shiver, but it makes the awful smell go away. I sit there by the window, watching the people cross towards the greenhouses. I know Sirius is probably among them, but I don't want to search him out. One thought leads to another and I get an idea. I lean out the window I bit more to catch my last bit of clean air before I snap the window shut. I don't want to chance falling out the window. Then I grip my head in a tight grip and reach outside with my mind. I feel other minds pressing against mine, but I resist pulling myself towards them, and keep searching for a specific one. I begin to doubt myself, unsure if I can possibly even find him like this, without sight at all. But then I do. I don't know how I know it's him, I just do. I feel it in my very bones. So I close in on his mind, and wrap myself around it, loosely, making sure I can only just feel it pulsing beneath my own mind. Then I begin to understand the thoughts. "Boring. . .wonder if she. . .music's a good way. . .Prongs is such. . .still afterLily. . .Lily would show a bit of intelligence if she. . .let him get to her. . .gets a bit boring. . .should just kiss her and. . .over with." Then I decide to go to a level I never really tried before. I didn't decided before to do this, but now I can't back down. So I move in a little closer, seeing how close I can get before . . .well, before anything happens. And at last I feel a wall that I hadn't even known was there crash down. I true connection is formed and I can feel everything. As if I am Sirius Black. I feel the seat beneath me. The heat, even in mid winter, of the greenhouse. The dirt under my fingernails. The beating of my heart. I wonder if he feels the same things I feel. It doesn't take long for me to discover the answer. "Ariadne?" I feel the words in my head but I can almost feel myself thinking the words as well. I know their Sirius's words. "God, how is it that Ariadne is now even in my head? How did she get in-" I understand every thought he thinks. "You what?! No way." I do. "How? No, forget it. Get out! Who do you think you are, coming into my head uninvited? Leave!" I didn't mean to, really. I wanted to apologize and I guess I went too far- "Yeah. You did. LEAVE!" So I slip away from Sirius mind and the wall comes back up. I feel almost incomplete without our connection but I have little time to grieve of my loss. Almost as soon as I break away from Sirius, I pass out cold.  
  
Sirius Black::  
  
I feel her exit my head and I relax. I know I will have to ask her about this latest weirdness. How is it that she entered in my head? I look around the room to see where she's sitting, but to my surprise, she's not even in the room.  
Surprise, surprise, I'm not really paying much attention to class and I totally mess up my assignment. I watch the professor mark down something that looks mysteriously like a zero. Plus he takes off about ten points total for my inattentiveness.  
But she doesn't join us for a next class either, and I get worried. After this last class, I know I have to go look for her. But where to start?  
I try to remember how I felt when I was in her head. Because where else would I have been? I think I had felt something hard and cold under me, which was probably what I had been sitting on. And it had smelled. Smelled like-  
Like a bathroom.  
Who would have guessed that the smell of a bathroom would have helped me? So the class ends, and not much better than the last one I must add, and I head to that floor's bathroom. But as soon as I enter through the door, I know I would not find her there.  
She'll be in the girls' bathroom, and I know this, but I cannot stop myself from checking in the stalls anyway. I guess I'm stalling before I have to go and check the girls' bathroom.  
An evil part of my head is asking why I even have to look for her in the first place. She enters my mind without my permission, then I'm expected to look after her? What kind of doofus am I? But the rest of my head knows that even if the world laughs at me forever, I will feel horrible if anything does happen to Ariadne.  
So I'm standing in front of the door of the girls' bathroom and I gulp in discomfort. I finally gather my courage enough to enter the bathroom. It is thankfully empty, so I can search the stalls in peace. But, unfortunately, it's empty of her too, and I'm forced to check another bathroom.  
And the next one is not so empty.  
I hear the voices of the girls from outside the door, but I shut my eyes and rush through the door hurriedly. I realize that my entrance silences the girl's voices, but I don't stop. I push every stall door until I run into one that's locked. I look underneath the stall door and I see feet. I hear one of the girls ask me a question but I ignore them.  
I knock on the door loudly but I receive no answer. So I, not liking my choices, crawl under the door, much to the girls' distaste as to mine. But I have found her. Her head is leaning against the corner protruding from wall, that connects to the window. Her breath is shallow, but I don't have much time to notice this. I try to pick her up the way you see guys pick girls up in movies, with one arm under her head and the other under her knees. But try doing that in a tight space like a bathroom stall. It's close to impossible.  
So I decide to unlock the door and then try again. This time I'm a touch more successful. I have a bit more room, but I can't quite get Ariadne up completely. If you think I'm weak because of this, you try to carry Ariadne. So after a few tries I give it up and I just throw her over my shoulder and run. I feel her head bouncing on my back, but I don't care. Sure, it's selfish, but at that moment, I care more about getting out of there than of how comfortable she'll feel later. When I make it to the hall, I don't stop. I keep going and I don't stop until I can barely carry her anymore and I'm in the Hospital Wing.  
  
Ariadne Chant::  
  
I feel sore as I awake, and it takes me a good while to remember what happened. And as soon as I do, I wish I hadn't. What am I doing in the Hospital Wing, anyway? The last thing I remember is Sirius's mind, the pulsing beat of his heart, the heat of the Greenhouses, and the dirt under my fingers. But now I feel like me again, and I suddenly don't like me anymore.  
So I take a couple deep breathes and send out my mind again. But it feels like I'm an old woman and every move my mind makes brings a sharp stab of pain into my head. But I continue on, into the GCR and I crawl in slowly, slithering through all the mind until I find the right one, sitting by the fire with his friends. I feel their minds and the vibrations, which mean they're talking. So I move in closer so that my mind makes a light contact with his.  
I feel a bit of pain at the touch, but I quickly forget about it. But now hearing his thoughts like usual is no enough. I faintly hear random thoughts of his conversation, but I go in deeper. And for a second I feel bliss. I feel the blessed connection with him and his everything is in beat with mine-  
But suddenly my head explodes with sharp pain that blinds me. I don't even realize I'm screaming until a feel the slap. I think I pass out for a little while because the next thing I remember is seeing a figure standing over me. Her face expresses a mix of worry and confusion.  
"Are you alright?" she asks simply, but she doesn't wait to hear the answer. Instead she picks up her wand and rapidly verbalizes a spell. I feel my pounding headache numb slightly, but beside that I feel much the same as before. My muscles ache a little bit, but even that isn't that bad.  
  
Then the woman pulls up a chair against my bed so that the chair bumps into the metal of the bed. The bed vibrates and my I bite my lip to prevent myself from calling out.  
She doesn't apologize, but instead gets right to the point. "Are you currently taking any drugs, legal, or not?"  
I know it'll hurt like hell to simply shake my head so I answer. "No." I might have said more if my head had allowed it.  
Her expression doesn't alter and she stares me down, as if expecting me to tell her all my secrets. Well she can dream on. "Do you drink?"  
I'm getting tired of the questions so I manage to answer in words. "What do you think?" I reply scathingly.  
She doesn't answer, but continues asking as if I hadn't said a thing. I eventually stop responding to her questions. They get boring, very boring. I grip my head between my hands and try to block out all her words.  
  
But she has a strong grip. My hands are forced down and she keeps them there. "Where were you? The boy came in, left you here, but he didn't explain how you got how you got. So the responsibility to explain falls on you." He? "So?" He came in, left me here and left? "He?" Her eyebrow raises and I can tell that she is surprised I don't know who he is. "Why, Sirius Black. Do you happen to know how he found you?" Her voice softens now that she sees that I might really not know much. "No, I don't." Maybe she sees I don't want to talk any more. Maybe she tires of me. But anyhow she simply tells me that I should rest a bit. Then I should gather my bag, which lies beside my bed, and go back to GCR. So I take her advice to heart. I sleep a bit later than I plan, but I have nothing else to do the entire day anyway. So I take my bag and wave a gentle goodbye to the occupied nurse. My head hurts a bit but I'm not about to let that be a big deal. As soon as I enter the GCR the music pounds in my head.  
  
"How do you fight loneliness? You smile all the time."  
  
I can't help grinning at the sight that meets my eyes. Remus dancing with a red head- then I stop. Because it's not just any red head. It's Lily. And watching her in Remus's arms. . .I don't know. Is it wrong to say it looks right?  
  
"Shine your teeth 'till meaningless And sharpen them with lies. And whatever is going down Will follow you around It's how you fight loneliness You laugh at every joke You drag your blanket blindly And fill your heart with smoke,"  
  
Throughout the entire song I watching them bounce on the souls of their feet. She smiles. He smiles. Almost puke-worthy, really. But for some reason I want to watch them enjoy themselves. It makes me almost feel like my head isn't about to implode and that I'm a spider with no figure.  
  
"And the first thing that you want Will be the last thing you ever need That's how you-"  
  
Then I see them. Remus and Lily see them too. They break apart and I see Remus trip over the record player and land hard on his back. I grimace, but I don't move from my place in the doorway. The magical record player continues playing, but Lily rapidly takes the record off. I don't see where she heads off to, but she leaves rather quickly. Not very nice of her, seeing as how Remus will have to explain for her. But either James saw nothing, or he wants to pretend he did. He saunters over to a Remus who has just gotten up and is dusting himself off, embarrassed. Sirius comes up behind James and passes Remus a record. "You need to bloody hear this!" He slides the record into record player and sets the spell back on. "James says his dad owned it. Found it in the attic. Beyond me how James hasn't found it before."  
  
"When you're alone and life is making you lonely You can always go Downtown. When you've got worries all the noise and the hurry Seems to help I know Downtown-"  
  
Remus kneels down and stops the music. I feel a twinge or regret, seeing as how I was liking the music. "Exactly what crap is this?" Sirius laughs wholeheartedly. "It's Petula Clark crap. Come on, listen to it. You listen to it long enough and you get to like it. Believe me." Remus shrugs and I can see that his mind is elsewhere. But I move slowly to sit down in the nearest armchair, to see how long I can pretend not to be listening.  
  
"Just listen to the music of the traffic in the city Linger on the sidewalk where the neon signs are pretty How can you lose? The lights are much brighter there You can forget all your troubles, forget all your cares And go Downtown! Things'll be great when you're Downtown! No finer place for sure."  
  
And it takes me a moment to get my eyes to see the dancing in front of me. People aren't even pretending not to be paying attention anymore. They're dancing like crazy, and I watch James's eyes hunt through the crowd for Lily. But she's not part of the excitement. So I don't see Sirius, until he is standing right in front of me. "So, you got out." I frown. "What? You wanted me to miss all the fun?" I cross my arms slowly over my chest. "Look, why don't I cut to the chase?" he says suddenly and he seems nervous. "It was weird having you in my head. I don't know quite how you did what you did, but when you didn't show up for class, I had a feeling something was wrong. And I was right. So I found you in the bat-" I held up my hand. "Wait. Are you telling me that you went into a girls' bathroom?" The tips of my lips were heading up, but he only shakes his head. I place a hand on his arm, lightly. And I quickly takes it off. "Don't feel bad. You saved me, you can't feel that bad."  
  
"Downtown! Everything's waiting for you. Don't hang around and let your problems-" 


	4. 04

Chapter four l  
  
Sirius Black::  
  
"-surround you There are movie shows. Downtown. Maybe you know some little places to go To where they never close. Downtown."  
  
She's talking and I'm listening. That is until this one thought gets into my head. Not all of a sudden. Not really. It's just she's talking and when you talk lips move, right? So I just peek at her lips. Just a little peek. And they aren't that bad. I mean, sure, I've kissed better. And just the word kiss gives me the creeps. We're barely friends. Please, I can't be thinking of kissing her. But I can't really help it and I do anyway. In a way. But even though I can almost feel it, I can't truly image it. She's too aloof. It'd be like trying to kiss the wind. No matter how close you get you can never quite touch it.  
  
"Just listen to the rhythm of the gentle bossa nova. You'll be dancing with them too before the night is over. Happy again. The lights are much brighter there You can forget all your troubles, forget all your cares."  
  
"I won't anymore." I start. She won't want? I think back to what she had last been talking about. Oh, the mind thing. I nod slowly. "Yeah, that'd be nice." I don't tell her how nice that actually felt. After I got over the whole fact that she was in my brain, it had actually felt pretty good. I'd never felt so close to anyone before, even to Prongs, who's my best friend. And being so close to her had been . . .well . . .nice. Imminence with people was never something I had grown up with. If you know my family you will comprehend why.  
  
"So go Downtown! Where all the lights are bright Downtown! Waiting for you tonight Downtown! You're going to be all right now. Downtown."  
  
"Hey!" A girl came out of nowhere and points a finger at Ariadne with interest. "You're that girl that got brought out of the bathroom!" Then she turns to me. "And you're Sirius. How'd you know she was there, anyway? You psychic?" She laughs in a slightly irritating way. Ariadne simply stares at the girl without responding. I decide to answer in her place. "Eh, yeah, I am. But I know, even without my powers, that Ariadne is still hurt." I sit down carefully on the arm of the chair in which she's sitting in. Then I lightly place my arm around her shoulders. "She'll give you an interview once she's recovered."  
  
"And you might find somebody kind To help and understand you Someone who is just like you And need a gentle hand to guide them along So maybe I'll see you there We can forget all our troubles, forget all our cares."  
  
I can barely restrain my laugh before the girl walk away. Then I realize my arm is still around her shoulder, so I move away. And Ariadne still hasn't moved. So I shrug my shoulders, trying to casually dismiss the fact that she got extremely tense as soon I touched her. Maybe closeness isn't something Ariadne understands well either.  
  
"So go Downto- "  
  
And then someone rips the record away. And that someone is a pissed off Moony. His face is bright red and his angry gaze is directed towards Prongs.  
I leave Ariadne with a soft touch on the shoulder and I approach Prongs and Moony. "Guys, what's wrong?"  
But they simply ignore me. "Look, you don't OWN her!" Moony screams into Prong's face.  
Prong's face is a reflection of Moony's. "I know. But you KNOW. You know how much I-"  
"How much you what? How much you want to fuck her? Yeah, if that's the case, then, yeah, I've heard enough shit about that as I handle." Moony throws the record down on the ground as he hisses at Prongs.  
I know I should go in there and break them up. But this is something new. I have never seen Prongs and Moony have it out at each other, and I'm ashamed to admit that I want to see what will happen. The movement stop all around Prongs and Moony, as their eyes latch onto the scene playing out in front of everyone's eyes.  
"You of all people should know it goes deeper than that! I love her, you git. So you can just sod off!" And then he starts to cry. In front of everyone, tears formed in the eyes of my best friend, the strongest person I have ever known.  
And then he runs. And no one talks. Moony's eyes are cold and his fists are clenched tight. But in my mind I feel a flutter, and I know Ariadne is in there. But she doesn't connect completely, she just touches. "Sirius. . . ." she whispers into my brains. "Go. . . . .to him. . . ."  
  
Ariadne Black::  
  
Sirius runs after James and Remus still hasn't moved. So I decide to take a risk. I close my eyes and move my mind towards Remus. Or what I think is Remus's mind. I move in, closer and closer and I get surer it's Remus with every inch. I cautiously wrap myself around his mind, trying for the least possible contact.  
"Remus?" I send the message into his mind and I wait for a response.  
And then I get pounded with primal anger. And sadness. And love. And I can barely even think anymore with all the emotions hammering at my brain, shoving and pushing for total control. And I know I this emotion overload will hurt like hell once I've disconnected. So I quickly end my visit to Remus's mind with the solid message, "Meet me with the owls now."  
And I pull away, grateful to be left with only a throbbing headache and not a second trip to the Hospital Wing. For a second I just sit there, pondering over the strangeness of what I felt. It was unlike anything I had ever felt before in anyone's mind. It was pure. Like an animal, pure and clean and unblemished. Total.  
But I manage to ignore the pounding of the head and I head towards the exit, hoping Remus will listen to me and come. I know that I cannot possibly repeat it. For all the human's mind's faults, it's mind seem easier to understand. But such feels as I had received from Remus had been alien to a human mind like mine. Another connection with it so soon could kill me.  
But before I can reach the portrait, I feel the soft fur of Isis curling around my legs. "I'm coming with you," she whispers and I can't argue with her, there's no point resist a talking cat.  
At last I reach my destination, and I manage to slide myself down the floor without fainting. The pain in my head grows worse every second and I just wish Remus would get here already.  
"Hello? Is there anyone there?" Silly of me. It had never occurred to me that he might arrive before me. I don't think I have the strength to lift myself up, so instead I answer from the ground on which I'm sitting on.  
I'm glad it's night and through the window the sky is dark. The moon seems to be sleepy tonight and has gone out to play hide and seek. It works to my advantage, in a way. I don't want him to see me.  
"What did you do?"  
He knows immediately what I'm talking about. "Look, if you're just another daft girl who thinks being sentimental will get you the inside scoop you are dead wrong." I hear angry movements, but I speak before he can leave.  
"Please. Get over yourself. I have an idea of what this is about. Let me tell you what I think and point out where I'm wrong, okay?" He doesn't respond to my words, so I continue. "Alright, from where I'm standing- or sitting, really –it's seems the only girl you could possibly be talking about is Lily. I mean, everyone knows how much James wants her. So I would think that he saw you with her. And he's mad at the fact that-"  
"He's that just angry because he can't get what he wants. He's a spoiled git who thinks he can get what he wants all the time. He thinks he owns her. Well, what? I should be sorry for treating her well, for not annoying the hell out of her? Eh?"  
I can't find an answer to his questions, but I can certainly answer it with a question of my own. "Did you sleep with her?"  
For a long time all I can hear are the noises the owls make as they ruffled their feathers and move around, flying in and out as owls tend to do late at night. Through the noise I hear his soft reply. "Yes."  
"He knows?"  
"Yes."  
"What else do you expect? James is just a guy that can't show what he feels like you do. That doesn't mean he feels any less, or that his intentions with her are any less pure than yours. It doesn't mean that he can't love her as well as you can."  
I can feel him begin to speak, but I'm not finished. "And you knew. You were-are- his friend, and should have known better than to do this to him."  
"He doesn't own her." He repeats, but his argument has gotten a lot less strong.  
"Then why did you hide the fact that you were sleeping with her? Because you knew it was wrong. You're friends. "  
"So? Just because we're bloody friends means we can't like the same girls? Just because he's my friend, I have to give her up?"  
"No. But you might just give him a chance. After all, who would pain you more to not have in your life, James, or Lily?" And since I've always enjoyed having the last word, I stand, with my hand balancing me against the wall. Then I leave.  
  
Sirius Black::  
  
Staying with Prongs was one of the hardest things I've done. I wasn't sure what to think after Prongs explained it all to me. I just kind of knew that through it all I had to stick with my best mate. After all, if I abandoned him, what kind of best friend would I be?  
The fact that Moony had never seemed to show any kind of emotion towards Lily was the most amazing thing of all. But no excuse could cover up the fact that James knew that they were going out behind his-and everyone else's-back.  
"I love her. Really I do." He went to sleep repeating that over and over again, until it was even tattooed into the crevices of my own brain. I began to think that I loved her too, even.  
It was late, so late, when Moony snuck into our dorm room. We don't exchange greetings. We are both awkward, and neither of us understands what our own relationship with each other is now like. But when Moonyhas been in the room for several minutes, I hear him speak. "Do you think he can forgive me?" I don't have an answer for him. I really don't.  
  
--------------------(  
  
And when I wake up that morning I get the feeling that I missed something. Moony and James are no longer in their beds, though the Peter, being the brute he is, continues sleeping and once again missing the excitement.  
I don't like wearing the same clothes I went to bed with, but it doesn't seem as if I had a choice. I get up and I get halfway down the stairwell when I see Ariadne. She's glowing from excitement and is bouncing on the souls of her feet. "Did you hear?"  
Her hands move to flatten my hair, which I hadn't bothered to comb, or even look at. "Hear what?" I mutter, still wiping sleep from my eyes.  
"It's James. And Lily. I doubt the whole school is supposed to know, but everyone does anyway. She asked him out. They're now a thing. And no one's seen Remus. And-" she's about to go on in the scary peppy way she seems to be talking now, so I interrupt.  
"Look, no one has seen Moony?" My interest being concentrated mostly on Moony seems to dampen Ariadne's high spirits, and I can't say I'm not partly relieved.  
"No. And I can't say he feels too good about the whole thing. But I guess I brought him-"  
"Fine." I rub my temples, trying to move away from all the sleepiness. "I'll have to go look for him." I nod at Ariadne and murmur a farewell before heading down towards the GCR, worried about what I'm going to say to Moony.  
I search everywhere for Moony. I simply cannot find him. It seems that when he does not wish to be found, he isn't. So I head slowly back to the castle, hoping to catch the last bit of breakfast at the Great Hall.  
I'm not in luck, so I slink away, my stomach rumbling and my mood getting cloudier by the second. So I head back to my dorm, almost surprised that Peter has woken up. Sunday is his latest day of the week. I sit on my bed, pondering what to do next on this day of civil rest.  
So my fingers travel to the cover of the brown notebook, and they flip through the pages, reading every word, memorizing her letters, entry after entry. There are spaces between the entries, spaces of sometimes years. Empty holes in which I have no idea what has happened. These holes mostly seem to be of the thing I'm most interested about, her summer.  
I don't have the littlest idea of how she spends her summer in the orphanage. I'm afraid to ask. And although my name pops up everyone now and then [ok, more than that, okay] even the window into her emotions towards me cannot explain to me who she really is.  
All I know about her is that she likes me a lot; she's self- conscious, is angry and is in love with James Dean.  
And when the last entry has been spelled out, I place down the book. I don't know what to do with it down, what to do with all the words that I now know she wants to tell me. I cannot think of a better thing to do than to return the book to its original owner. I decide to pretend that I didn't read a word and that I have no idea that she's maybe not as aloof anymore. It's not as rough a wind.  
Hey, maybe I could tame her.  
So I walk down to the GCR, now searching for another face, a softer face than Remus's. But instead I find Remus, and I can't escape our encounter. So I approach him, hiding the book behind me.  
Even when I'm standing right in front of him, I don't say anything. He begins our conversation. "She's his."  
"Yeah, I guess."  
His voice is sadder than I've ever heard it before. "No guessing. I know. I let her go." Then he raises his head and I can't look him in the eye. I can't let the sadness I hear in his voice turn into me. "You know, she's not that bad. If she wasn't crazy about you, I'd try it." His hands cover his face, so I don't catch his last words. What is he talking about anyway?  
"Who?" But he doesn't talk anymore. Maybe, I think, it's best if I just leave him to his own devices. So I back away, until I'm out and free and off and searching.  
  
Ariadne Black::  
  
The feeling of being responsible for this whole thing, practically, has faded, and I just feel numb. Maybe it's because I'm sitting outside on the edge of the river in the middle of the winter. I watch as all those other kids ice skate and I see the couples holding hands and kissing. I wonder how they can do all these things while on the fragile ice, unafraid of falling through. I've always feared the ice. And watching him come closer, well it doesn't help. I can't write off how bad he made me feel with excuses about how sleepy he was anymore. I try to ignore him, but it's hard when he sits in front me and tugs on my shoe. "What?" I hiss at him. "Come skate with me." His eyes twinkle and I see the two pairs of skates he holds in his hands. "I've borrowed them for an hour, so come on, get up and stop wasting time!" He tugs at me shoe some more and I freeze. "I don't like the ice," I whisper, but he doesn't hear me. Like usual. "I don't like ice!" I repeat, louder. "I'll protect you," he grins, his hands quickly untying my shoelaces, ready to expose my toes to the bitter cold. I shake my head. "No. It's all right. I can live without it." I pull away. There's no way I'm getting on that ice, no way. He gives me a pout-y face and puppy eyes. "Please?" I angrily press my lips into a tight line. So he pulls himself up next to me and stares into the lake. "I heard it's supposed to snow tomorrow. Several inches." I'm surprised that he would change the subject that quickly. I don't comment, and wonder how long it will take for him to leave once he realizes I'm not going to answer. He keeps talking, as if filling up the silence. And his hand, it just casually taps on mine. Keyword, casually. As if he does this with everyone. Which, seeing how I don't know him especially well, he might. Then he picks up my hand from where it was laying on the ground. "Remember when I read your palm in class? But when you hated me. More." I freeze. To move or not to move. That is the question. 


	5. 05

**A/n: sometimes I put Ariadne black because I make mistakes. Yeah mix up Black and Chant. XD No, Ariadne's not a Black. Gak, I hate typos. Oh and BTW I have Grease fever right now, along with the rest of my school, so deal with the Grease songs!**

edit: Yes i've gone over this chapter for grammar mistakes! yay. And another chapter is on its way. ANGST FILLED TEENS! xD

* * *

**Sirius Black:**

I cannot believe I have that much nerve. I actually took her hand and-  
I had taken her hand.  
And she had moved away and gotten up and left me there, feeling like a complete idiot. Jesus, after what I'd read in her diary, I'd actually felt she might not have totally refused me.  
That is pretty much when I remember that I was pretty rotten when I had met her that morning. Could I do no right!  
I get up quickly and I snatch a sight of Ariadne entering the castle. I curse and sprint towards the entrance. As I get there, I don't see her, but she can either go left or right, so I follow my instincts and go right.Deep, deep inside I'm a very instinctive person. I'm at least part dog, andanimals trust their instincts.  
Icry outher name as I run through the halls. I feel self-conscience but I don't care. God, how could I have let her go just like that? I curse and lose my energy for searching for her. So I end up standing in my empty dorm room, holding the brown book tightly. Then, with new sudden determination, I stick the book in my cloak pocket and walk out of the dorm room. But as I try climbing the stairs to the girls' dorms-  
I jump back as a sharp shock shoots through me. A nearby girl gives me a look and walks right through what I could not pass through. Several girls have to same reaction until one finally decides I could use some help. Thank you God, for nice girls.  
"Uh, there's thisspell that won't letboys through until a girl from in here invites you in. Kinda like, uh, vampire." She seems kind of shy, but she invites me through. The first smiles as I walk past her, giving her a grateful grin in remuneration.  
I head up the rest of the stairs quickly. I realize myidiotic mistake as I look at all the identical doors in front of me. I know I'm going to feel ridiculous asking some random girl where Ariadne's dorm is, but if I'm going to get on her good side, I should make an effort.  
So, even though the girl is giving me the strangest of looks as I approach her, I ask her if she knows where Ariadne Chant's room is. Her questioning look is enough an answer for me. This is what I get for asking around for a girl almost no one knows. Damn Ariadne for being so damn antisocial.  
I end up asking so many girls that by the time one actually points to a direction my mouth is already open to say, "Thanks anyway." I nod and grant her a smile, but she's too busy blushing to smile back. Are all the helpful girls this shy? Or are only shy girls helpful?  
I stop in front of the door, staring at the wood, wishing I had X-Ray vision to see Ariadne beyond the closed door. What would she be doing, I ask myself. She could be reading, although not the romance novels that most girls were reading.She doesn't really seem to me to be the mushy kind of person.  
I'm deep inmy thoughts I don't notice a girl open the door and crash right into me. I grunt in surprise and the girl, the top of her head reaching my nose, looks up at me with astounded eyes. "Oh! Sirius." It was Eli. She looks as beautiful as always.  
"Hey, Eli." I say nervously. I mean, what do you say to your ex-girlfriend?  
She gives me a bright grin that a year ago would have melted me. But now I just can't see it the same way. After all, she did cheat on me.  
Her eyes run over me, as if I'm a doll and not a person who feels her eyes. I feel my face get hot as she licks her lips slowly. So she's still playing that game. Why can't she understand I'm over her? Sheis definitely over me, seeing as how stories ofher and Terry's kink games are regularly spread around the oldergirls and boys.  
"So? Any reason you came to see me?" This gives me a start. She thinks I came to see **her**. How self-absorbed can you be? Well, I don't really need to answer that. Eli has always been in love with herself. Ithink was one of things that made me like her in the first place.  
I can't find the words to talk to her now, though. How can I explain to my ex-girlfriend that I'm here to see a girl in her dorm?I know I can't play along with her, that's for sure. She'll think she has me again, and maybe this time she will be able to get me to fall back into her arms.  
So I tell her truth. "Look, Eli, I'm here to see Ariadne, do you know if she's in?" I try to look past her into the room, but she closes the door quickly.  
"Very funny, Sirius." She interjects and runs her finger down my arm. "Seriously, why are you here?" She's moving closer, and I'm being tofeel, well, forced.I need to control these feelings. I'm tired of running my life on lust, like I did with Eli. I'm through with that.  
I don't like the way this conversation is going, so I move my arm away and cross my arms. "Maybe you didn't hear me the last time I said this, but we're over, Eli. We've been over a long time. You chose it, not me." Anger,yes,a very good response toher advances.  
She rolls her eyes to make me feel infantile. Just like when we were going out, I can't help thinking. "Look, it was just a kiss. Get over it. I love you, Sirius. He was just a one time thing."  
I grab her shoulders hard and my fury flares. "Eli,**nothing** is ever a one time thing for you. You just want me on your arm to show that you can get the best. I won't be an accessory for you, Eli." I push her away and grab the doorknob.  
But Eli's hand falls on mine and I give her one last look. Her eyes are shiny with tears she is threatening to spill, like she's pointing a gun at my head. But I know better than that. I turn away from her quickly. "It doesn't work anymore, Eli. It doesn't." Then I enter the room, and look into the familiar atmosphere. Or at least what I thought would be familiar atmosphere. The room is darker it seems, probably because the blinds that had remained open when I was going out with Eli are now drawn. And sprawled across the bed across from Eli's is Ariadne. She's looking at me with an expression that is either anger or confusion. Probably both. She doesn't say anything, so I silently take out the brown notebook from my cloak pocket, placing it on the bed in front of her. She just stares at the book for the longest time. Neither of us speak.  
Then Eli's voice reaches my ears from behind me. "Well, aren't you going to answer him? I was beginning to wonder where that ugly book had gotten to. Well, I guess my hopes are dashed." I don't even want to look at her. Why is she here? Her presence is ruining the speech I had semi-prepared for the moment. I hear the springs on her bed screech as Eli sits, just like they did the year before.  
"Look, Ariadne, I didn't-" I begin.  
"Thanks, Sirius." I look down at her to see her glaring bloody murderer at Eli. And all at once I'm annoyed at them both. I'm doing everything be friendly with Ariadne but the only thing that gets through to her is Eli. I think that's Eli's plan from the start.  
Or perhaps Eli doesn't even want me back at all. She could just want me for the sake of having me while being in relationship,_and _having another girl paying me some mind. Eli likes to have what she can't possibly, or shouldn't, have. That's why I don't expect it to be long before she ditches the male species for the females.  
"Sod you too," I mutter as I stomp out of the dorm.

* * *

**Ariadne Chant:**

I stare after him for a second before jumping off my bed to follow him. I'm rushing to the door when Eli grabs my arm with her perfectly manicured hand. "Don't steal him from me, bitch," she hisses into my ear before pushing my arm away. I refuse to look at her as I stalk out the door.  
I should have answered back with some scathing remark. Like,_he was never yours_.Or _bite me_. Okay, so bite meisn't very scathing.  
"Sirius!" I scream after his receding figure. He turns around slowly, stops. I don't want to run after him anymore. So I walk slowly,and every second seems like a lifetime as he stares me at me with those dark eyes.  
I am right in front of him when I stop. Looking him in the eye, I say softly, "Sorry, Sirius." He shrugs nonchalantly. Like he hadn't just walked off angrily, a couple of seconds ago.  
"I just thought you might want your diary back. Seeing as how you must have missed it right?" Ah ha.  
I raise an eyebrow slowly. "If you didn't read it, how would you know it's my diary?" I stare at him as his eyes widen as he realizes he's trapped.I would have continued playing with him, but I can't help smiling at his expression. He grins back, and Irelax muscles I hadn't even knownwere clenched.  
"I didn't know Eli was in your dorm group," He answers. I shrug simply in . "I never thought it was important enough to mention." For the most part 'Eli' always left me alone. But now that she thinks I'm stealing her 'boyfriend', well, I know how she feels about threats. I mean, hearing her after the two of them broke things off, you'd havethough Sirius was an item she missed, not a person.  
"Well, sorry, anyway. At least I gave it back." His eyes shine and his arm rubs against mine as he turns and walks out of the hallway. I know then that even if Sirius isn't mine, he can't fall into her trap. "Bye," I whisper. But he doesn't turn around. Damn, damn, damn my lack of confidence.  
As soon as I enter the dorm room once again, I feel Elizandria's cold eyes on me. I can't look at her, so instead I take out my nightgown, and walk into the bathroom rapidly, so as to not even give Elizandria a moment to piss me off. I get into bed immediately after and turn off the lights with a quick spell. I can just barely hear Elizandria talking to herself in her sleep.  
It's pitch black and I know it's a dream at once. I love these dreams, and the freedom I feelbecause I can do anything, and there will be no consequences once I awaken. But this dream seems dissimilar. I can't open my mouth to speak. And a moment or two later, I don't want to.  
The kiss is strange and leaves a hot print on my lips as it retreats. I feel hands on my body, but they are cold, like ice. My hands feel this stranger is close, but there's no sexualspark between us. My hands travel up her neck and face until my fingers feel the closed lids. I hesitant for a second, beforegently pushing them open.  
All at once color and light come back and I am surrounded by. . .me. A young me, with bruised arms and bruised lips. My mind travels back to that day, my pulse dancing at the memory. There's a tiny baby me, splattered with blood, but silent, eyesbright and empty, staring at its future self. I stare at the me when I first found out that my magic was not unique. That I could share it with others. Her eyes are brightest of all of the. . .myselfes. Except for one.  
She stands closest to me, and her smilelarge. She is the only future me in the whole crowd. The feelings emitted from her are strange, unfamiliar. They snap at me and make my skin tingle. Her hair is short, and all at once I see a small trickle of blood slide down her face, yet she does not move. She doesn't seem to mind the injury at all. All the mespart, splitting into two groups to let someone through. The bloody me, whose memories are not mine, loses herself in the crowd of mes. And the new me coming through is no past me nor is she a future me.  
She is I. She takes my hand, and it fits perfectly into mine. She leads me away from the light, murmuring that we must speak in private, away from the others. The others call to me, their voices faint, and their hands reaching out. But one voice cries louder than the rest. Don't forget us, they cry. I make them a silent promise before all is dark again. And my own voice rings though the darkness, echoing in the invisible walls even though my lips do not move.  
"Past, Future and me. All you. See how unhappy they are. Soon you will join them, being another one of the crowd for that future you saw. A future us." A laugh cracks through my head.  
"Is that bad?" I answer, my voice a river of calm compared to the crazy zigzag voice of the other me.  
"You tell me." We stand there, discussing my-our-life in full. Our future. But soon the conversation takes a turn, shattering the sweetness we had tasted together. "Kill us." She whispers into the darkness. I don't answer, still attempting to hold on the sweetness. It doesn't make any sense. We were just conversing about future. What future can we have if I'm dead?  
But her next words make the sweetness go away and leaves me alone with the emptiness. "Sirius doesn't care, you know. His words are empty shells for his desire. He wants you, but not for the love we need. Don't let him use you like you don't deserve better." Her words are poison, but Ilap them up anyway. "Kill us before any of them can reach us." I shake my head, and even in the pure darkness the me thatis withme, or is it myself,knows what I feel. "The ones you think might be your friends kill us. Our spirit, all that makes us unique. Kill us while we're still pure." And then the blade sinks deep into my throat and I gag on my blood.

* * *

**Sirius Black:**

"You should serenade her." I jump in surprise.  
Prongs elbows Wormtail hard in the ribs andWormtail grunts in pain. "What do you mean?" I say slowly, placing my feet up on the table in the front me, putting down my parchment.  
Wormtail shrugs and changes the subject. "Hey, have you heard those songs from Grease? God, that movie-" His face cringes as throw down my pen.  
"Come on, Wormy. Don't let ol' Prongs scare you into not speaking. So, who exactly should I serenade?" I give him my best grin, urging him on.  
Prongs rolls his eyes and glares at me. "He means Ariadne. You do want to woo her, right?"  
I jump up suddenly, scared into action. "What!" I cry loudly enough to attract a few stares. IdecideI need to lower my voice just a bit.  
Prongs practices rolling his eyes once more. "Look, Sirius, you can't possibly be _that_ thick, right? I mean, you usually know when you like some girl. I mean, look at Eli-"  
"I'd rather not," I reply coldly, as I sit back down and stare Prongs down. "But continue on with this theory about how thick I am." I lean back on thechair, and I give him a good evil look. "I love being insulted"  
"I'm trying to say it that way."  
"Look, we only want to help." Wormtail adds quietly, and wrings his hands in anxiety at my answer. I have mercy on the poor soul.  
"Fine, help. Although I'm not quite sure what you're helping me to do." After a quick pause, I continue. "But I can totally woo Ariadne by myself, anyhow. If I wanted to. I could have any girl, I bet. "  
"Oh yeah?" Prongs said softly, his eyes twinkling in challenge. "Let's see you try." Then, standing up and walking until he's right in my face, he finishes. "Serenade the girl tonight. I DARE you." He picks his things off and walks off, enjoying the fact that I had not ruined his exit by getting the last word.  
I curse and shove my head between my knees. "Ugh, I feel faint." I look up at Wormtail. "Thank you for giving him the idea."  
"Hey!" His hands come up defensively. _"You _wanted to know what I was talking about!

* * *

I find myself in the dark hallway in front of Ariadne's door, singing. My heart pounds as I hear my voice echo in the empty hallway. How had I let Prongs get to me so that I end up doing this?

"I got chills  
They're multiplying  
And I'm losing control  
'Cause the power you're supplying  
It's electrifying!"

I scream the last part, hoping no one comes out that shouldn't. Especially that new Gryffinder House Headmistress (1).

"You better shape up  
Cause I need a man  
And my heart is set on you."

And my heart sinks down to my knees. The voice I hear isn't Ariadne's, but Eli's. The worst that could happen, of coarse, did.  
She walks right up to me, all crimped hair, and with her stick-up bangs. Her eyesare sparkling under her blue eye shadow and heavy mascara. Under her cloak you can catch a glimpse of her tight mini and legwarmers. Sure, these things make most boys drool, but right now none of these things affected me much.Note the rightnow.

"You better shape up  
You better understand  
To my heart I must-  
Oh! I knew you would regret your words!"

"Stop!" I cry as I watch Eli's figure approach. "This was a dare, and doesn't mean anything." I back away slowly, putting my hands up in a surrendering motion. Please don't make this end with me running away from her like a six year old afraid of cooties. But her arms surround me before I can do anything. Her breath is on neck as she tries to sound husky. "I want you, Sirius."  
I hiss in disgust and push her away. "Yeah. I'm sure you do! You want me as much as I want a blowjob from Snape! And guess what? I want you about the same amount." I turn my back and walk off. Or I try. She grabs my shoulder and pulls me back.  
"Who EXACTLY do you think you are! Who do you think I am! Just some girl that you can refuse? I'm not one of your love-sick fans that will sob themselves to sleep when you don't glance at them." Her face transformations into an ugly sneer, which ruins the effect of her make-up. "Like your little Ariadne." I don't answer, but I don't need to. She doesn't plan on stopping. "Yeah, she's head over heals over you. As if you would ever notice. You're so thick, you wouldn't even notice if**you** fell in love with her. Which you never would. I mean, she's SO not your type." Her hands flutter as she talks and tries to move closer without me noticing. I step away.  
"And you are?" I ask between gritted teeth.  
"But of coarse." More proximity.  
"Sod off, bitch." Then I do walk off and Eli doesn't try to stop me.  
"Nothin' left, nothing left for me to do," I mutter softly to myself as I walk off.

* * *

holy shite. a chapter revised while listening to Punk and Disorderly. Loverly. I didnt remember this chapter being so long when i wrote it oO? 


	6. 06

A/n: Two words. Grease fever.  
  
A/n part 2: most of the summer will be from Ariadne's POV. Just adding that bit of knowledge into your brains.  
  
_____Chapter_six______________________l  
  
Ariadne Chant::  
  
"Look at me I'm Sandra Dee Lousy with virginity Won't go to bed til my legally wed."  
  
I sit on the bed, watching Lily singing along to her magically record player on the floor. I can't help but laugh at her choice of song.  
  
"I can't I'm Sandra Dee! Watch it! Hey, I'm Doris Day. I was not brought up that way Won't come across Even Rock Hudson lost his heart to Doris Day!"  
  
She jumps off her bed and begins to dance strangely to the music, singing with her eyes closed. Her ripped stockings and sideways ponytail swinging side to side made her look twice as bizarre. But, Lily, being Lily, cared little. And just being with her sometimes makes me feel the same.  
  
"I don't drink or swear I won't rat my hair,  
  
I get ill from one cigarette."  
  
With that, she pops a fag out of her cloak pocket and shakes at me threateningly, her eyes shining with laughter.  
  
"Keep your filthy paws off my silky drawers.  
  
Would you pull that crap with Annette?  
  
As for you, Troy Donahue, I know what you wanna do  
  
You got your crust, I'm no object of lust,  
  
I'm just plain Sandra Dee!"  
  
Her vulgar motions are cut short as she pulls me up from my comfortable spot on the bed. She begins singing again and soon I am on the floor, laughing at her acting. But even through her hiccupping laughs, she keeps singing loudly.  
  
"Elvis, Elvis, let me be! Keep that pelvis far from me!  
  
Just keep your cool Now you're starting to drool  
  
Hey, fungu, I'm Sandra Dee!"  
  
At the end of the last note, she drops down next to me, her face red and mascara running down her face as she sweats from her exertions. She stares at her fag longingly. "I just wish they let us smoke in here." She gently places the fag back in her pockets and just sits there, panting slightly.  
Then she turns suddenly, so look under her bed for another record. I caught enough of a glimpse to see it's another Grease song. I cringe. "Don't you ever get sick of that?"  
She looks up just a second to grin at me as she puts in the record. Then, as the song begins to play, she kicks me slightly with her feet. "Sing."  
"What?" I cry in surprise and confusion. "Why?"  
"Because you're making me do all the work!" She whines gently. Her foot nudges me again. "Please? I know you know the words. There's not a soul in the castle who doesn't!"  
And the tune catches me ears and I sigh in the defeat.  
  
"Summer loving, had me a blast Summer loving, happened so fast. I met a girl, crazy for me. Met a boy, cute as can be. Summer days, driftin' away But, uh oh, those summer nights!"  
  
I grin at her gently and she laughs back, singing the next part.  
  
"Tell me more, tell me more! Did you get very far? Tell me more, tell me more, Like does he have a car?"  
  
"She swam by me, she got a cramp He went by me, got my suit damp Saved her life, she nearly drowned! He showed up, splashing around! Summer sun, somethin's begun But- uh oh, those summer nights!"  
  
"Tell me more, tell me more Was it love at first sight? Tell me more, tell me more, Did she put a fight?"  
  
"Took her bowling, in the Arcade We went strolling, drank lemonade We made out, under the dock We stayed up, til ten o'clock! Summer fling, don't mean a thing But uh oh, those summer nights-"  
  
"Shut that shit up!" screams a voice from outside the doors, obviously slamming on the door with both hands. Both Lily and I let the song finish in silence, but we are both grinning like crazy. When the song's over we don't speak for a long while. "I had a dream with one of those songs, last night." I say slowly, thinking about that odd dream. "What about?" she asks slowly, leaning back against the frame of her bed, closing her eyes. "Well, actually . . .don't laugh . . .but Sirius." I pause to hear her response and Lily does not disappoint me. She giggles loudly and opens her eyes to stare at me with amusement. "No shit? Sirius Black? As what, a greaser?" She shows signs of thinking for a moment before finishing. "I can actually see him in those tight-ass jeans and those leather jackets. Totally your style." She winks at me. I roll my eyes gently. "Very funny, and, no, he was not a bloody greaser. He was singing one of those songs that annoy Elizandria so much." "Which one?" She pulls out a couple of records from under her bed and tosses them to me. "One of these?" I shrug. "How the hell should I know? I only heard the song, not the title." "Fine, fine." She begins placing a record on the record player. After playing a short bit of it, I shake my head. We repeat this several times, before I finally nod my head frantically. "This one?" she asks, slightly surprised. I don't understand the source of her confusion, but I nod anyway, humming along to the tune. "Do you think that your dream might be . . .uh, you know. . .prophetic?" She takes the record out before the song finishes and pushes all her records back under her bed, along with her record player. "Prophetic?" I frown into my hands, not really wanting to look her in the face. "How so?" "Er, the song is about how some girl thinks this other guy should shape up because she wants to be with him." She gives me an award-winning grin and slaps me on the back. "You better shape up for your lover, then." "Sod off."  
  
Sirius Black::  
  
It's Sunday and I have no doubts that I can avoid Eli the whole day. Its Monday that I know will be a problem.  
I lay in my bed, long after Wormtail has awaken and gotten out of the bed. My stomach growls, but I ignore the rumbling and just lay there, hour after hour. Eventually someone comes.  
Prongs shoves his face up in front of mine. "Man, get your ass up!" He pushes the blankets off me and I groan in discomfort as the cold air bites my exposed skin.  
"Get up!" he screams in my ear. I shoot him a glare as I sit up, rubbing my cold arms. "This is all your fault, anyway. If you hadn't brought Eli on me like a plague, I wouldn't still be in bed." I narrow my eyes at him when I catch a guilty look cross his face. "You didn't do it, PURPOSELY, did you?" When he still doesn't answer, I'm convinced. "You git. You are a bastard. You set me up! You knew Eli would hear me because you bloody told her I would be there!" I get off the bed and growl at him angrily. "Get before I pop you one." Prongs always has been a smart person. He knows when it's smart to run, and when it's smart to stay. This definitely was a run moment. I manage to drag my groggy carcass out of my sleepy stupor. I get dressed and quickly go on another search for Ariadne. The dare had definitely been invalidated, but she had probably heard me and I didn't want her to think I was back with Eli. I find her sitting with Lily, both talking casually and laughing. I approach unhurriedly, unsure if I want to interrupt their conversation. I mean, a conversation where Ariadne looks happy is rare. But Lily sees me before I can make a decision for myself and calls me over. I can't refuse, so I amble over to Ariadne and Lily as informally as I possibly can. I sit myself down between them and the hairs on my legs bristle as Ariadne's leg brushes against mine.  
"Eh, hey Ariadne, did you hear anything weird yesterday?" I try to add this into the conversation casually, trying not to see to forward.  
I watch nervously as Lily tries to catch Ariadne's eye, but she keeps staring at me, smiling her side-ways smile. "Maybe," she answers slowly, the words slipping out of her mouth slowly. "Why do you ask?" Flirtatiously?!  
I shrug, enjoying the fact that my arm brushes by hers as I do. "Um, I heard something happened. How's Eli?" The questions seems reasonable when I say it in my head, but as soon as I say it out loud and I can see Ariadne's expression fall, I know I messed up.  
I put my hands up in my defense. "I didn't mean it like that, Ariadne. Honest. I just. . ." But how can I explain it to her that I want to know if she was talking about us getting back together. If I do say that she'll think I AM going out with Eli, again. And, I don't want her to.  
"Fine, I guess. As you can tell, I wouldn't know." Her voice has an edge I hadn't detected before and I bit my lip in my anxiety.  
"I think I have to. . .do stuff now. We'll talk later, okay, Lily. " She gives Lily a little wave and nods me a goodbye as picks herself up from the sofa, her thin limbs untangling themselves and rearranging to fit back together.  
But when she's walking away I decide that I can't just leave things like that, broken and shattered on the ground like a thousand pieces of glass. So I get up and I run after her. I don't even think about saying anything to Lily. For some reason, I think she might understand.  
"Ariadne!" When I reached her, she's turning around, her hair falling straight on her shoulders, and her face paler than usual, possible because of its lack of makeup.  
"Yeah?" Her eyes beg me to let her go, but I refuse to let her eyes persuade me into letting go this chance to not ruin a friendship.  
"Look, Ariadne," I scramble my words up in the bowl which is my mind and they all slide out of the slot of my mouth. "I don't like her, really and I don't want to ruin whatever the bloody hell we have it might we might be friends you know and its not like I don't have but I don't want us not to be friends because well, it's just not something I wouldn't miss and can I just say I don't want her, and if you heard it, don't believe her because it was a dare and they told me to do it to you, but Prongs tricked me so she came out and I didn't want her and she kept going at it but none of it is true I'd totally not go out with her I'm not." I take a deep breath after my lack of intake a second before.  
Her eyes are wide, staring at me with a peculiar expression. At last the words her eyes want to speak reach her tongue. "Er. Can I just interrupt and say I didn't really get it?"  
I can't help but grin at her expression. "You know I wouldn't go back out with Eli, right?"  
She bits her bottom lip and looks down. "I don't know. You won't?" Her voice rises with a bit of maybe hope? I hope I didn't just imagine it.  
"I won't. She was a bitch." Her eyes rise to meet mine, and she smiles.  
"Good. I wouldn't want to see you hurt again." Her hand flits towards mine for a second, as if she's considering holding it, but she changes her mind and walks upstairs towards her dorm hastily.  
  
Ariande Chant::  
  
The rest of the school year flew by when I was friends with Sirius. We hung out every so often and began feeling more and more comfortable with each other. Of coarse, sometimes I would let myself fantasize an actual relationship with him. But all this bliss made summer seem more like hell than usual.  
  
I dreaded the ride home, but what other choice did I have?  
"I'm having some ice-cream as soon as I get home!" Lily cries getting into the compartment. Her red hair shone in the moonlight that slipped into the room from the window, and James, sitting next to her, caressed it carelessly.  
My envy must have shown in my eyes, because Lily flicked her head in Sirius's direction. I frown and shake my head frantically. She rolls her eyes at me and turns her head to kiss James's hand.  
I have to hold back a hiss of anger that almost passes my lips. I know Lily just did that to make me even more jealous. I excuse myself softly and get up from my seat.  
But being in the passage, feeling the train shaking under my feet and people talking barely audible all around me makes me feel isolated. I walk along the empty passage for a while before I feel someone beside me.  
Her white paws make no noise, but I can feel her there nonetheless. "'Allo, Isis."  
"The word is 'Hello'. Please, I am a cat and I can speak better than you." Her dignified words and her cocky attitude are by now something I am used to and I dismiss her words totally, as she knows I will.  
"What should I do, Isis?" my voice holds a weakness that few people but Isis have as of yet heard. And Isis understands completely, dropping her act and instead padding along the passage beside me silently, deep in her thoughts, apparently unsure how to answer my question.  
"You know how I feel about that boy," she replies at long last, "but even I can not see how this boy will affect your d-life. I am afraid for you, child."  
I stop walking and look down at the white cat beside me. The only spots of color on her are the brown patches on her legs and her red eyes, brilliantly shining of all her intelligence and personality. "Ever since I've met you, ever since I was five, you've been there. You're not even a pet. You take more care of me than I take care of you. Why is that, Isis?"  
I don't expect an answer, really. But I get one. "Maybe it is time." The cat murmurs. Her red eyes look up at me, and I cringe under their stare. "Ask me that question at the end of this summer and perhaps you shall receive your answer." With that she turns tail and retreats back to our compartment.  
I remain there in the passage but a little while, waiting for something it seems. But nothing comes to my rescue. I finally turn back myself toward the compartment.  
  
_______________________--------------------___________________  
  
And I stand in front of the building, my eyes widening in the sight I saw. What had happened to this place while I had been gone? I let my trunk fall to the ground as I gaze more deeply at the building.  
I look around at last, my eyes catching the eye of a store nearby untouched by the fire that had caught the orphanage.  
I fly in, trunk and all. I no doubt am a fright for the poor man at the counter, but he stays strong and stares me in eyes questionably.  
"What happened to the orphanage?" I ask in a out of breath voice.  
"Where have you been?" he asks in disdain, but I ignore it. There are more important things at hand.  
"What happened to it?" I ask again, my voice firmer.  
He rolls his eyes, but continues. "Some kid inside. Thought it might be fun to play with matches. Burnt down the whole building at midnight some day in November. Most people didn't get out in time. There went all those buggers." He laughs bitterly. "Ruined my business some, it did."  
I would have turned away from him if the impact of what he had said didn't smack me in the face. I had had friends there. Gabriel, a small child for whom I was like a mother for. Jane, a girl who had been like a mother to me. Hilda, the girl who had been orphaned in a horrible fire, and whose own face had been burned away in the incident. And so many others. Even those I had hated I wept for. I stood there in plain view of the man at the counter, holding my face in hands, sobbing loudly.  
The man, like the bastard he obviously is, stands there, stareing, thinking about who he should tell about this girl who appeared half a year after the fire to mourn. And I can't stand in there anymore where the building, or what is left of it, is in my plain view. I have to leave.  
So I clutch my trunk and run out of there, running until I'm out of breath, and far away from the building. Then I realize that I have nowhere to stay. The little bit of money I do have, I know I have to save for later.  
I decide my best chance of find a place to stay is to find a squat. If I can find a decent place, I'll be fine. I convince myself and walk on path towards the home of a man that everyone knows controls many of those sorts of things.  
I gather my courage and knock on the door, expecting to see a tall man, known as Homer. But instead a woman, whose hair is pulled into a tight bun, answers the door.  
"Homer!" she calls to the house as soon as she looks me over. "There's another one here!" She motions for me to come in, and orders me towards the couch. The couch is lumpy and smells of vomit, but my legs welcome the rest.  
I sit there, trying not to look at the woman to closely. I hadn't heard of the Homer being married. It was a revelation. I had met him once or twice, usually with older friends who got somewhere to stay with his helping hand. He did not do things for free, but I am sure I can follow up with whatever he requests of me.  
He comes down the stairs; his large boots making the dust on the house rise up and fly around, making me sneeze. "So, let me guess, you are a runaway that needs a new home?" His fat lips smack and I try not to wince. I nod carefully and Isis sits on lap, watching Homer very attentively. "Hmm, now let me think. I believe there is a place with a place for a girl like you," he winks at me and I manage to smile back at him. Any sign of insult could ruin my chance of making it. "What is you name by the way?" "Minnie." I answer back in a small voice. He motions for me to follow him. "Nice name. Now, the door will be open at midnight," he leans over the table to write me an address. "Go here and open the door. Tell Orlando I sent you. I shall contact you when it comes time for . . .payment." His eyes twinkle and I move away a step, smiling all the time. "Thank you. Thank you." I hear some mention of serving me something to drink, but I shake my head and rush out, grabbing my trunk on the way. Isis is right beside me. I run a block, just to make sure they don't follow me. "I don't like that man." Isis mutters at I sit down on the curb, watching the cars ride by. "Neither do I, but what does that have to do with it?" I kick a stone with my foot. "He's going to get us somewhere to stay, and-" "And what about his payment?" Isis hisses at me sharply. "Even you noticed how he looked at you when he mentioned your payment. It does not take much imagination to realize what payment he has in mind." "So," I reply curtly, "are you telling me NOT to go to the squat at midnight. Where will we stay then? Eh?" She can't give me an answer and I know it. 


	7. 07

A/n:: I'm using Fefe Dobson songs in this chapter.  
  
_____Chapter_seven______________________l  
  
Ariadne Black::  
  
I find myself sitting in a coffeehouse; sipping the cold coffee I had order half an hour before. Listening to all these pathetic people who wish they are famous makes me feel less pathetic, somehow.  
  
But then a girl comes on. At first I don't recognize her. That is, until she starts to sing. I can not forget her voice.  
  
"Tell me who should I be to make you love me  
  
Tell me what does it mean to be alone  
  
Can't you see me standing staring out from a distance  
  
Hear my crying if you'd only listen  
  
Out of focus, into me and you"  
  
The first note betrays her identity and I almost gasp. I haven't seen her in five years, and she sure has changed. Her hair is much longer and it looks a darker red from this light. Her features have sharpened and she has lost the baby fat that I have attributed to her memory.  
  
"Why this veil of secrecy?  
  
God forbid, your friends found out what we did  
  
Why can't someone like you be someone like me?"  
  
Her passion hasn't changed. Her expression is still an open book and this song is like all being emitted from her voice.  
  
"Touch, fool if you're allowed  
  
I'll be dancing in a corner  
  
Its so cruel to play it proud  
  
Take your hands and cover me. . ."  
  
I sit there listening to her voice flow past me, as it did so many years before. I haven't thought about it much, but I have missed her. I don't want to think about the reason she left, so I skip right over that, enjoying being near to my best friend.  
  
"And it hurts me so bad to deny it, oooh  
  
These feelings are out of control.  
  
Do you know what it's like to want something so bad...  
  
And then having to let it go?"  
  
And with these words I know what it's about. The song makes me shiver, and I don't want to think about that anymore. I look up at her face, her voice falling and rising to the song's rhythm. As the song ends, I breathe a sigh of relief.  
  
She smiles at the response she gets, which is a whole lot of clapping. "Okay, thanks guys. Now, another song. It's pretty old, like the last one, at least two years old. Yeah, yeah," she waves away of a couple of teasing jeers, "When I was fifteen. But I think I put a lot of myself in it. Maybe too much. " And then her voice envelops me again.  
  
I'm so into the sound of her voice that I don't catch onto her words for a couple of seconds.  
  
"Tell me this is not end  
  
Ariadne  
  
You, my love, my oldest friend  
  
Ariadne  
  
I see you with flowers in your hair  
  
Ariadne  
  
Running around without a care  
  
You're days were numbered  
  
And I want you to know  
  
You're doing this to yourself  
  
Time to show me the will to change  
  
I swear I will help you I will  
  
I will shine my light on you  
  
Let the sunlight show your face  
  
Ariadne  
  
No one knows you in this place  
  
Ariadne  
  
I see there's a distance in your eyes  
  
Ariadne  
  
Can I even reach you if I try  
  
Or is this good-bye?"  
  
I bite my lip and try not to jump up and scream. No, denial has worked for two years. It can work much longer. Until midnight. But the song hasn't finished yet.  
  
"Tell me this is not the end  
  
Ariadne  
  
You, my love, my oldest friend  
  
Ariadne  
  
You put your faith in dreams that kill  
  
Ariadne  
  
Lying with beauty, breath so still  
  
She couldn't be trusted."  
  
She smiles at the new response, but her smile is a sad one, as if she too is burdened by the memories. She waves a goodbye at the audience, and walks out from the spotlight. I cannot lose this chance to talk to her. Who knows when I might catch her again?  
  
So I get up, leaving Isis with my trunk, I walk towards where she has sat down. "Hi, Julia." I say softly, standing beside her chair, nervously pulling on a lock of my hair.  
  
She turns her head and her eyes widen. "Ariadne." Her voice squeaks as she says my name and I give her encouraging smile and nod.  
  
"It's been a while, huh, Julia?" I start, trying to go casual. But as usual she has a different idea.  
  
"Where are you staying? I mean, I heard about the orphanage. And you're not at. . . school." She looks around suspiciously, as if a spy were watching her talk about my 'school'.  
  
"I'm on summer vacation. I just came back today, and I've got this squat place I'm looking at tonight." I shrug. "I'm doing fine."  
  
"How's Isis. She alright?"  
  
I nod my head in Isis's direction. "Peachy keen." And then we run out of conversation and the awkwardness takes over our words.  
  
"So. . .found yourself a boyfriend, yet?" she tries to fit this into our conversation without seeming anything less than casual, but I know her better than that.  
  
"Well, there's this one guy. I like him a lot, and he knows it, but I'm not sure if he feels the same. We're friends." I shrug helplessly. "What can I do?"  
  
She rolls her eyes. "Don't I know that game? Look, if he KNOWS and is still your friend, it's either because he's totally weird or he likes you back. Complete the riddle, which one is it?" Her brown eyes look into mine, and she gives me a smile. "Go for it. What do you have to lose?"  
  
"Our friendship, for one."  
  
"What friendship? When one of those 'friends' feels like that towards the other, well, its never going to be friends. You'll dream of being his forever, until it kills you. But you'll never be friends."  
  
Her seriousness shocks me into silence. I can see how she is right, but I know I will not be able to bring myself to do risk what Sirius and I have.  
  
"So," I begin, trying to ask in the same manner she did, "have you found yourself a girlfriend?" I immediately notice her nervousness as she responses to my question.  
  
"Er, I've tried with a couple of people but. . .well, it hasn't really worked out." She doesn't look me in the eye as she answers.  
  
"Hey," I say optimistically, as I place my hand on her shoulder, gently. "You will, don't ya worry."  
  
She looks me in the eyes and says quietly, "I already have." I bite my lower lip and move away a step.  
  
"Look, Julia. I can't lie to you. I . . .just can't. First of all, you couldn't even tell me to my face that you were . . ." now I'm the one looking around, "gay. And then at the same time you sprout the fact that you love me on me. What was I supposed to do?" I covered my face in my hands. "And I thought you didn't want me going to Hogwarts because you thought I would go to hell."  
  
"I still think that!" she answers back passionately. "Well, I can't help the fact I fell in love with you. If I could take it back, I would. But I can't! I love you, and I don't think I'll ever stop. So I guess we'll have to deal with it or . . ." She didn't have to finish for me to know what she meant.  
  
I shake my head slowly. "I think I have to be going. . . but maybe tomorrow?"  
  
She shrugs half-heartedly. "To what? Start this conversation up where its left off? Can't wait." She gets up from her seat. "I'll be here tomorrow. Midnight. Come if you want." With that she walks off and as I do, back to where Isis is staring at me with knowing eyes. 


	8. 08

A/N: Once again more Ariadne. Sorry fellow Sirius lovers, but there's just nothing to write about Sirius's summer. : Song: Sari by Nellie McKay. Check her out.

* * *

**Chapter eight l**

****

****

**Ariadne Chant::**  
  
I arrive at the house Homer had given me the address to. I wait several seconds before a voice speaks from the other side of the door. The accent is a heavy Hispanic one, so it takes me a couple of seconds to catch on to it.  
  
"You her?" the voice asks and I nod before I realize he won't be able to see my nod. "Yeah. I'm she."  
  
"Good." The Hispanic opens the door and looks me over, smiling. "Come in, amor."  
  
I try to ignore his gaze, as I step into the near empty sitting room. The only real light is the candle the guy holds in his hand. "'Allo, my name is Orlando. I'm at your service." He motions for me to follow him and the light begins to bob away from me. I close the door gently and follow his voice. "Come meet the rest of the family."  
  
The rest of the 'family' looks me over as well, but not in the lustful way Orlando had. Most of them are girls, runaways I take. "'Ello." One girl greets me, warmly for them, I guess. She pats the floor besides her as smiles. In a Cockney accent she introduces herself. "Me name Alice, though you can call me . . . well, Alice." Some of the girls laugh at her comment and she smiles. I notice one of her teeth is missing as I sit down next to her.  
  
"So, mamasita, how long do you expect to be with us?" Orlando asks lightly as his hand brushes by my face lightly as he walks by.  
  
"'Til the end of the summer, I would think. Then I'll be leavin' to travel abroad. Always wanted to do that." I know that I shouldn't mention Hogwarts to anyone here. Even friendly Alice. They will sell me out to Orlando in a second, and who knows what he might do with the knowledge. I may be new to this squat, but its rules aren't much different from that of the orphanage.

* * *

And it is midnight again. I am sitting in the back of the coffeehouse, but I know that Julia won't miss me this time. My mind retreats into the darkness, waiting patiently for Julia's voice. Her voice has always been something soft and beautiful and comforting in times of hardships. But not this time. The voice I here coming from my friend's lips is harsh and angry. Unlike the soft melodies she usually sings, this song is an angry rap against the world.  
  
"_I'm sorry for the mess  
  
Sorry for the stupid way I dress  
  
I guess I failed my test_

_And dontcha know  
  
I'm sorry for my views  
  
I musta been confused  
  
And yet you know that really  
  
I'm sorry for you . . _."  
  
I look up at her. Her red hair has been curled tightly and they shine even in the slightly darkness. Her lips are painted a dark red. Either that or black. This is a side of Julia that she has never shown. Or she has kept it hidden from me all this time.  
  
And the end of the song is a relief to me. I cannot help but miss the tenderness of the Julia I used to know. But this song is the thing that finally brings my suspicions to life. My old friend and who she once was is now gone, forever more.  
  
"Enjoy it?" Through the heavy makeup on her face and the dark aura that seems to surround her, I see a bit of the old Julia I knew. I see the need for elevation. Maybe it isn't all gone. Not forever more, I decide.  
  
"A little harsh, don't you think?"  
  
"Not at all." Okay, she maybe wasn't asking for complements. So we both stood there, feeling like complete idiots. Oh well, what else was there to do, really?  
  
**Sirius Black::**  
  
And the wait to get the train station was nothing less than forever. I was twitching the entire time. I hadn't seen my friends all summer and I was getting itchy to see them. I missed them like a left leg. And there was the nagging desire to see her. You know, Ariadne.  
  
I saw my friends first; Prongs, Wormtail, Moony and I exchanging tales of our summer, when I got the nagging yearning to see Ariadne again. So I quickly excused myself and went to look for her.  
  
But the meeting with Ariadne is more jolting than I thought it would be. Especially since she has definitely . . . grown. Her hair is longer, and much wilder. Her gray eyes seem to pierce into me instead of just looking at me. Her form is thinner, which consequently causes her to look just a bit more like a spider than usual. But it is her expression is what catches my eye.  
  
Her face is tear-stained and she doesn't seem to see me. Her eyes are unfocused and Isis is curled up in her lap, licking her fingers softly. "Ariadne?" I whisper as I approach her slowly and carefully. Her eyes focus onto my face and she doesn't respond physically. So I take a seat next to her and I gently place my hand on her arm.  
  
"What's wrong, Ariadne?" She looks down at where my hand is touching her until I move it away again, and it sits silently in my lap. Then she looks back out the window.  
  
"Ariadne!" I cry, getting more worried and more exasperated by the second. I feel like grabbing her shoulders and just shaking her until she goes back to normal. But I think it might take more than shaking her to get her back.  
  
"What?" she answers, her voice cold and distant sounding, as if she's speaking from far away. "Just . . . leave, ok? I don't think I can talk right now. To anyone."  
  
"Can't you just tell me what happened? Are you in trouble? Did something happen at the orphanage."  
  
She seems to laugh at this. I don't see the humor. "Oh yes. I almost forgot the orphanage. It pales so terribly to what happened after."  
  
"After? What happened there?" Worried? Could it be I am beyond completely worried? Yes it could. I can't say I've seen Ariadne looking worse than she does right now. And I've seen her pretty bad. Or so that's what I thought before this very moment. And I don't know what to do.  
  
"Look, Ariadne. Can't you try to talk to me?" I cover her hand in both of mine, trying to see if contact with make her look at me. Her hands are cold and shaking. It turns out and I can't even look at her myself, much less see if she's looking at me. I've seen Ariadne angry, sad, and happy. But not terrified. Not like this. And I'm not in control anymore. I'm scared that she's scared. I wrap my arms around her and I hug her. Not like I'm her boyfriend, but like I'm her mother- or father, in this case. I wrap her up because I cannot stand the fact that she's hurt and scared and that I cannot do anything about it. And then it gets awkward. I would be lying if I said it didn't. Because after a second or two I notice that I just grabbed her, not thinking what would be the best position to do this in, and well, its just uncomfortable.  
  
We pull away, or what would better be explained as, she pulled away. I don't know what to say after something embarrassing like that. So I sit there, and she sits there and Isis sits there. Or rather, Isis sits there for a little while, and then she jumps up and sits on my lap. I can tell Ariadne's surprised, but she doesn't say a thing. Isis doesn't need to say anything. She's . . . accepted me? Is that possible?

For a long while, we don't say anything. I don't expect her tell me much, really. She was never the let's-spill-all-my-secrets kind of person. But she does.

"When I first got there, I went straight to the orphanage, like I always do. And it wasn't there, or at least the not the way it once was. It had burned down early fall. Not the best arrival, I must admit." She looks up at me for a moment and smiles, I suppose at my expression, which, I must admit, is probably quite comical, with a jaw hanging down in disbelief and wide eyes. "Look, it was hardly the worst thing that could have happened. I easily found a squat, thanks to the information I got from older friends who had left the orphanage.

"The worst part came later." Her expression had saddened once again and she was looking down at her hands, curled around each other on her lap. "You see, years ago, I had this friend. For years afterwards, she was my best friend. But five years ago, so left. We continued writing to one another. Well, until two years ago when . . . she admitted something I wasn't comfortable with." I am intently listening to her words, trying to look ahead to what she is about to tell me, but for the life of me, I cannot tell. I can only wait for her to continue, which takes her a couple of seconds of silence. At last she goes on.

"She said she was in love with me. That she had known for years and years that she wasn't like other people and that, through time, she had fallen into the trap of loving her best friend. But, you see, I didn't love her back. I couldn't. And worse, she told me all this in a letter, and I . . .responded badly. We discontinued correspondence since then."

"So that's what's been troubling you, then?" I ask, unaware that I'm speaking low, as if I'm in a library. I know, even now that this is not a subject to be taken lightly with Ariadne and I walk on this path with caution.

"Not nearly. Like I said, I've had some time to heal about the loss of my best friend. I miss her, of coarse. But this summer, I saw her again. She's been traveling England, she told me, in search for . . . well, she wouldn't elaborate on what it was exactly. And we talked, and though I knew we couldn't get back our former relationship, we tried.

"And then she stopped coming to the coffeehouse, we'd been meeting at. I supposed everyone there had already been informed of what had happened, so her absence there, for she was daily visitor and read, and sang, her stuff a great deal, wasn't told to me. I didn't even know she was dead until two week after she'd died." It took me a few seconds to catch onto the impact of her words. And when I did, I understood. The thought of losing James brings chills to my spine and the sensation of a knife being plunged into my heart.

Once again I take her hands in mine, and this time, now that I know the situation, I'm calmer. She needs to be comforted, and it seems that just telling her story to me has made her feel better. And I hold her again, lightly, softly, and I know she's crying. I don't wipe her tears, I don't speak at all. I just hold her, and I think she accepts that as well. I don't notice that Isis is gone.


	9. 09

a/n: I fixed this chapter up some from how it was originally. Mostly grammar, no plot changes. I am confusing myself with this story. It's supposed to be that Dumbledore is just a teacher, the Headmaster is. . .someone else. Why are they in Dumbledore's office then? I don't know, I'm sorry.**

* * *

**

**Ariadne Chant:**

And troubles begin.

I feel as if I've shown Sirius a part that I haven't shown anyone, and this makes our relationship maybe, more special than it once was. To me anyway. But this does not stop Sirius from committing his usual ridiculous acts.

I'm in the Common Room, as I now am most nights. This is when Ambrose approaches me, her eyes blazing, and the front door of the Common Room slamming shut behind her, much to the irritation of the Fat Lady.

Ambrose, whom I cannot help but describe as extremely obtuse, has beautiful red curls that fall down her back elegantly, an ungainly walk, which distracts most people from her green/blue eyes. Her worst character flaw is probably the fact that she has an unhealthy obsession with Severus Snape, which I have hardly never failed to poke fun at. Though our many plans to get Ambrose to catch his eye had failed time after time, Ambrose is nothing if not headstrong and determined.

At this moment she looks just has determined as ever, but with her eyes blazing and her red curls giving her a eerie fiery halo. She strides up to me, fury in her eyes. "See what your boyfriend's done now!" I don't it's the appropriate time to tell her that Sirius is not my boyfriend.

What has Sirius done?

"I've just come up from the Hospital Wing. Snape's down there." I don't gasp, but I come close to it. Had Sirius done something to hurt Snape. . . .well more than just teasing?

"He tricked him into going into the Shrieking Shack." Now I do gasp. What had Sirius been thinking? Everyone knows the Shrieking Shack is haunted. No one in their right mind would enter a place with such potential of containing dangerous ghosts.

"And there was a werewolf in there!"

"What!" I cry. Was Sirius capable of such stupidity? Had he known there was a werewolf in there? No, I think to myself, there's no way. But in my heart I know its a very probable possiblilty.

"Now do you see? The only reason Snape is alive this very moment is because James, not being as much of an idiot as his best friend, found out about the 'joke' and got him out in time."

I just sit there, mulling over what I had just been told. Ambrose admits that she had come up to give Sirius a piece of her mind and the beating of his life, but I quickly convince her that she might do something rash and that such things are left better to the light of day. She reluctantly agrees, and says that she must go back to Snape anyway. "He needs to know there's someone there for him." She says somewhat proudly as she exits the GCR.

I'm glad I got her to see reason. Sirius has no qualms about hitting a girl, as long as he is provoked. Chivalry is stone cold, and Sirius is living proof of it.

I don't know what Ambrose had been doing out at this time of night anyway, nor what Snape, Sirius, and James had been doing out either. I decided it might be best to listen to my own advice and sleep on it.

I walk myself up to my dorm and as has become usual lately, I don't sleep for a long while.

* * *

**  
Sirius Black:**

Iwas in Dumbledore's office, his eagle sharp eyes glaring into mine.

"What **exactly** were you thinking, Black? Eh! Are you thick enough to expect that nothing would arise out of this incident? I hope not. I hope that this school has not been wasting its resources teaching someone who will commit such an act as this."

After a speech, like that, did he honestly expect me to speak? I guess so, from the looks he's giving me. I clear my throat, preparing to speak when he interrupts me. I suppose he doesn't expect me to speak then.

"And you, James," he continues, now turning his gaze to Prongs, and his expression softens. Yes, he's always had a soft spot for my best friend, which, even now, has never failed in pissing me off. "Thank **goodness** you were there. If not for you, Young Snape might not be with us."

I hold in my yawn, and slouch lower in my chair, hoping for this meeting to be over soon. Dumbledore's words begin to slur together in my mind. I watch the Whomping Willow wiggle its branches through Dumbledore's window. It really isn't such an ugly tree. Thena few words make me sit up straighter and pay attention to the conversation.

"Ambrose will of coarse have to be transferred. We have spoken with her parents and they have agreed that this is the best choice for all concerned. She will be sent to Durmstrang at the end of the week. Until then-"

"Ambrose? What's wrong with her?" I ask, sincerelycurious.

I receive another glare from Dumbledore for my comment, which brings to light the fact that I was not listening. But he finally answers. "As I just mentioned before, Ambrose has grown. . . violent. She nearly killed you last night, though it seems you barely noticed."

"She **what**!" I cry, leaping out my seat. "How?"

He folds his hands together, obviously amused, inwardly of coarse, because what sane Headmaster would be amused of the near death of one of his students? Only Dumbledore. "She obtained a knife, how she got it is unclear. She was heading towards your dorm when. . .she was detained."

"How?"

"Look, Sirius, maybe that isn't the most important thing you should be asking here, eh?" Prongs is looking at me strangely, and it finally dawns on how deep the shit I'm in really is.

As I sit back down slowly, I ask, "So. What's going to happen to me?"

"That answer is at the moment undecided." So thank god Dumbledore isn't the only one deciding my fate. If he was, I'd already be gone. "But since we cannot prove that you knew Remus was in there, in his werewolf form, and I very much doubt you will **admit **it, you probably will not get expelled from school, as much as you do deserve it." Do I catch a tear there in his eye as he mentions that? I almost chuckle in spite of the near pass I just had with expulsion.

"I will converse with my fellow staff members and the Headmaster and tomorrow you will be told of our decision." Damn. None of the other teachers have taken quite a liking to me either. This is the end of our conversation, everything in Dumbledore's tone and expressions signify it. And how glad I am that this time has at last come.

* * *

I'm in the Library, acting as a scribe for Dumbledore as part of my detention for being out late that night. He gave me the longest, dullest and oldest volumes to copy, so besides the fact that I will not be able to see James's first Quidditch match of the year, I have to squint to read it, strain my hand attempting to finish it recopying before I'm forty and try to keep my eyes open long enough to accomplish the latter. 

How terribly exciting it sounds, does it not?

Several people have actually entered the Library. Must be some hard-core students, or random people who must be too cool for Quidditch I'd bet on the first one. Not too many people are too cool for Quidditch, truth be told.

So I don't notice when she comes in. Not until she's standing right in front of me. "That was possibly the singlestupidest thing you've ever done. And you've gone and done some pretty stupid things."

I look up at her. There are still dark circles under her eyes, which haven't disappeared in the month she's been at Hogwarts. I'm so busy staring at those eyes, that despite the poor condition surrounding it, are as bright and deep as ever, that I don't realize that those eyes are piercing into mine angrily. It takes a while for me to realize it, and when I do, may heart drops. Not only am I in deep shit, hated by quite a few, and ignored by many more, but now Ariadne, the one person I just assumed was with me, is angry.

"Look, you've done some prettyidiotic things, but nothing like this. He could have died, Sirius! And where would you be then? Not only would you be expelled, you might have even-" she shivers at what she was about to say, but never finishes that thought. "And the whole Ambrose situation is absolutely horrid. I mean, by doing what I did, she assumed I valued you as a friend more than I did her. She almost turned on me."

"By doing what exactly?" I ask, interrupting her steady flow of speech. I place a spare piece of parchment in my place in the book, so I can take out my finger. It is a pale white when it comes out, due to lack of blood flow and it throbs a little, but I manage to pull out the chair next to me. She just looks at the chair for several moments and blinks blankly. I don't know if she doesn't get what I am silently suggesting, or if she just isn't sure she wants to sit.

Either way, she sits down, slowly, and subtly moving the chair away from me. I catch the movement, though, and it pains me to think that she might not like our proximity anymore, but I don't say anything. She looks down at her lap. "No one told you?"

"I haven't been much in a position to be social, in case you haven't noticed." I don't mention how I've tended to sit in the rear of the class the last few days, to avoid, purposely, any type of negative attitude, which I get anyway. I don't even sit with Prongs, Wormtail and Moony anymore.

"James hasn't mentioned it?" I shake my head. She can't seem to get over the obvious. If I said I haven't heard what she did, why would Prongs have told me? I bite back a scathing comment, which normally would have popped right out. But at the moment I am enjoying the wee bit of company I have.

"Uh, well, Ambrose was on an angry rampage. She was enraged, far more furious than I'd ever seen her before." She pauses, and looks up at me for the first time since she sat down. "Ambrose has been in love with Snape since last year. And when you almost killed him, she went frantic. I saw her when she came into the GCR. I thought I'd convinced her not to take any more action. Well, obviously not, since she came after you with a knife."

"And I slept through this how?" Ariadne gives me a look that clearly states how little she appreciates my humor at this moment.

"She would have killed you if I hadn't stopped her. Do you get that?" She leans in closer, and the fact that she's not afraid of me lessens the effect of her being angry. "I'm not sure I want to live in a world without you, Sirius. Even if I you are a complete idiot."

I want to jump for joy and do a victory dance- except for the fact that her other words drove home right about then. "You stopped her? How?"

"She left me thinking. I mean if something happened to y-someone I cared about, I would feel horrible. And if Ambrose felt like that, I wanted to help her. So I went into her head to see in what state of mind she was in.

"When I felt that murderous craze, my god, I was terrified. I was afraid she'd already gotten you. And that I'd lost another friend." Her eyes had softened and didn't have that angry glint anymore. "It seems I cut her off, actually. And I. . .went into her head. I went in deep. Deep enough to hurt her. They all think I wrestled the knife from her. Even Ambrose believes it."

We're both quietly reminiscing over her last words and it's a long time before either of us speaks. "I've never hurt anyone before like that. It hurt me too, but not as much. And that's just because I didn't go the deepest I could." She looks up. "But I could," she whispers. "If I truly wanted to I could."

"Was it like that time you went into my head?" I ask quietly, trying to understand what she's feeling.

She shrugs silently and bites her bottom lip, a habit that has formedin thelast few weeks, and one which she still hasn't consciously noted yet. "I didn't go as deep as that. And I wasn't trying to hurt you when I went into your head. But. . .I could feel her pain. I think. . ." She pauses and Iassume she isn't going to continue.

"Well, then. I suppose I owe you a thank you. You saved my life, which is something that seems to be happening a lot in Hogwarts this year." I try to give her a wide smile, make her laugh like I used to. But I know that things aren't going to go back to the way they were.

So I'm not surprised when she doesn't laugh. She begins to get up, but I mutter something. She frowns somewhat and asks bemusedly, "What'd you just say?"

"Are you mad at me?" I pipe up, annoyed at how high and troubled my voice came out. I clear my throat, but I don't say anything else, just in case.

"Am I mad at you?" she ponders out loud; as if she's not sure of what the answer is herself. She just stands there a little while; in silence, but after a moment she gives me a halfhearted shrug. "I don't know. I have to think about it, I guess. So don't try to talk to me. . ." She shakes her head slowly. "I mean, just until I figure out how to act around you again. Please." She turns away from me as she is going to walk away, but she doesn't take a step.

"I think. . .I almost killed her."

She gets up and walks out of the Library, leaving me alone with the large volume once again. That, and my thoughts.

* * *

**Not my favorite chapter, I admit. Work with me, won't you?**


	10. 10

**Sorry with the sad Sirius chapter Lireal . I can't help it!**

**Oh my god. I am _so sorry_about that LONG delay. I could not help it!!**

**NOTE:IF THERE'S A POSSIBLITY OF YOUR BEING OFFENDED HEED THE WARNING BELOW.**

* * *

**Ariadne Chant::**

I find myself sitting in an empty GCR, like I used to the year before. It isn't until this moment when I realize that I haven't done this in ages. Sure, I had mourned Julia greatly and still am, but not like this. Not with the darkness of the GCR and with tears flowing down silently for hours on end. I suppose I had had Sirius before. We had been friends, if nothing else. I had used his support to smother those thoughts that caused me to seek help in the silence of the GCR.

But now, how could I trust him? He had turned out to be far more impulsive and dangerous than I had thought. My feelings whirl, going back and forth like a pendulum. Maybe this, maybe that. That's the only answer I get whenever I think of him. So I have decided to not think of him at all.

I am about to sink back into my thoughts and my horrible memories when I hear a noise behind me. I jump and hesitate any other movement, like looking back. Maybe the best reaction is to not move at all. If this newcomer doesn't know I'm here, he or she won't think to bother or question me.

But this individual approaches anyway, scuffling about. I hold my breath, _what is this guy doing here?_ I assume it's a guy. Who else would make such noise walking, as if he owns the world?

"Where are you?" I hear a low voice, muttering, and though I cannot make out who it is, I know for sure now that is a male. Perhap Sirius.

Of course it's Sirius. I am sure of it. Who else would search me out in the middle of the night? "Look, I thought I made it clear I wasn't ready for-"

"Ah ha!" crows Sirius's voice, and thick hands wraps around my upper arms, lifting me out of the chair as if I am a doll. I cry out, or attempt to, but a blow suddenly strikes me in the stomach, blowing the air out of me before I can make a sound.

"Don't make a noise, love." My mouth moves to scream, but I feel something shoved in there. The fabric pushes my tongue to the back of my throat, and I begin to choke. But that is the least of my problems.

**IF YOU DON'T WANT TO READ THE RAPE PART SCROLL DOWN UNTIL NEXT BOLDED PART.**

He isn't even trying to be formal with it at all, pushing aside my robes as he kisses me roughly. I feel the stubble on his cheek brush against my skin, trying to concentrate on that as he pushes me down on the floor, grunting as-

_Hands touch, eyes meet_

Sudden silence, sudden heat 

_Hearts leap in a giddy whirl_

_He could that boy_

_But I'm not that girl_

The air hits my bare skin and with a muffled gasp I attempt to push him off me again. Not this way. No. But he holds my arms under us, and my shoulders are beginning to ache. I close my eyes firmly, whimpering in spite of myself. He says something, and his wand glows-

_Don't dream too far_

_Don't lose sight of who you are_

Don't remember that rush of joy 

It hurts. This act, which I was always told was sacred, is being defiled. The screams are bubbling up, just below the surface, wanting to come out, spurting out like a giant geyser. He is nuzzling my neck quietly making soft noises. I want him gone, for him to at least leave me this much dignity-

_He could be that boy_

_I'm not that girl_

_Every so often,_

_We long to steal to the land of what might have been_

_But that doesn't soften the ache we feel when reality sets back in_

Sirius. I want him to come in at this very moment and to throw this villain against the wall with a sudden outburst of inhuman strength. I want him to wrap me up in his arms and make it all better. Like in the tales, or a gallant knight on a shining white horse. Broomstick? Isis. I want her to come in here and show a rabid side of her she has hidden well all these years. I want someone. Anyone.

I'd take Snape over this horror.

_Don't wish_

_Don't start_

_Wishing only ruins the heart_

_I wasn't born for the rose and pearl_

It's over, but not quickly enough. He gets up, and I think that I might be able to escape him. But I cannot move. He closes my eyes and I hear noises. I want to scream and I want to cry. My lips are glued together by his spell. I am utterly in his grip, my body under his control.

Stop it. Stopitleavehelpmeohmygod.

**OKAY, RAPE SCENE OVER**

* * *

**Sirius Black::**

_Stop it!_ I feel a screaming pain in my head echoing like crazy. I sit up in my bed, the dark enveloping me like a blanket. But the voice screams on, full of pain. What is going on? I clutch my head, and I sink down onto the floor, or maybe it's my bed. It all feels the same to me.

Am I screaming? I wonder. I feel hands lifting me up. I'm floating. It hurts, not much; it's like a numbing pain, now. But it's not mine. It can't be mine. It feels apart from me, but I can still feel it. I cannot explain it. A phantom pain.

A sharp twinge in my face brings me out of the thoughts for a second and all of a sudden I'm fine. I don't sense the ache in my crotch, I don't want to scream, and I don't feel murderous and cantankerous.

"What the bloody hell is wrong with you, Padfoot?" Wormtail is clutching my wrist tightly as he asks this, and I just stare back at him blankly, for what seems like perpetuity.

"You were screaming your head off," Moony adds, unhelpfully. I pull my arm away from Wormtail, and I sit up on the edge of my bed, forcing the three of them to move away.

"Hello? Sirius? You wake us up in the middle of the bloody night and then you sit there all quiet. As in _not explaining **shit**_?!" Prongs is glaring at me. This brings the current events back to me. He is still pissed off at me for the Snape thing.

Can't he just get over that?

"I don't know what it was. A bad dream?" I say this weakly and they are not convinced. But they don't push it. As soon as the words are out of my mouth, Prongs is already moving towards his bed. I guess they assume that my dream was either a wet one or . . .a bad one. Either way they assume it's not something I'd share. Or, far more likely, they don't particularly care either way.

"Good then. Next time you have a bad dream, wake up sweating like the rest of us, and go back to bed. Silently." My- former? -best friend noisily slides into his bed, pulling the covers over him, and saying no more.

Moony and Wormtail seem lost. They are hesitant as to how to respond to this lie they both easily see through. Eventually they take Prongs's course of action. They each mumble their quiet good nights, and get back into bed, leaving me with groggy thoughts and strange memories.

* * *

I awaken, and the strange dream is but that, a strange dream, half-forgotten. It's Saturday, so by the time I manage call upon enough will to actually sit up and go get something to eat, the dorm I share with the others is empty.

I sigh, but I didn't really expect them wake me up, like they usually do on weekends. I mean, they've been avoiding me all week, why should anything have changed because of one bad dream? I get up, stretching, and standing in front of the mirror a while, hoping I haven't got any bags under my eyes. When I'm convinced I hadn't, I begin to get dressed.

I wonder if I should try talking to Ariadne. I mean, I know that she had been pretty firm on the whole stay-away-from-me speech, but I'm not sure I can deal with this solitude anymore. Ariadne is the only person I know will talk to me, even if it is grudgingly.

I approach the mirror again, looking at myself maybe a bit longer than usual. Do I look different than I did before? Maybe I look grimmer, more solemn. I don't see the I-don't-care look in my eyes anymore.

I shrug this off as my stomach growls. In the GCR everyone stares at me out of the corners of their eyes, as if I won't notice their stares that way. I mean, who would notice conversation abating as soon as you step into a room?

I shoot them all glares as I pass by. I consider flipping them all the bird over my shoulder as I leave. I overrule it in my mind; they're not worth the trouble.

The hallways have the odd couple of people in it, but mostly, they're empty. This seems to be a recurring theme in my life lately. It's definitely beginning to annoy me. But when I reach the Great Hall, all the hustle and bustle is incredibly aggravating as well.

The thought of talking to an unwilling Ariadne is beginning to look nice now. Even so, I cannot bring myself to look for her. My mind is flooded with damn maybes. Maybe she'll be angry as hell. Maybe she'll be cold and stoic. Maybe she will just ignore me until I go away. Maybe . . .

I stand under the doorway too long it seems. People begin to stare at me, _again_, and no wonder they do. In their eyes I am simply staring into the room blankly. So I shake away my thoughts and look down the Gryffinder table, knowing that Ariadne is probably the late breakfast, less people kind of person. When I don't spot her, I assume she also might be the no breakfast kind of person.

But I spot Lily. I mean, it is a rare moment nowadays that I actually see Lily without the Siamese twin that is James Potter. So I approach her. Maybe she'll be less aloof if she's not with Prongs. "Lily?" I ask her when I am standing behind her chair hesitantly, in case she chases me off with a glare.

"Sirius." That is her simple response and I stare blankly until I realize she's not going to say more.

I don't care. "Have you seen Ariadne?" A few people sitting nearby are staring, although _why _they are is simply beyond me. Does it really take so long for people to get over things? It's been more than a week, but people are still staring.

Bloody hell, if guns were operational in Hogwarts, I might call one and shoot them all. "Do you want me to let you in?" she asks coldly, but she's being sincere.

"Why?" I ask, leaning in closer to her, before I realize what I'm doing. "Is something wrong?" I'm gripping the edge of the table tightly, and I wonder why I'm reacting like this. Lily hasn't confirmed anything. Instead she's getting up and gathering her things as if she hasn't heard me. In fact, it could just be that Ariadne has schoolwork and wants to ask me-

What are the chances of _that_ happening? Ariadne could ask anyone else about schoolwork. She would not have to get Lily to fetch me to the girls' dormitories. Lily pushes her chair in and begins to walk towards the exit. I let go of the table, immediately miss the solidity of it, and trail her.

The halls contain more people than just a few minutes ago, and I try to ignore everyone. Right now, I am agitated enough without people constantly treating me like some guy who will, at any second, spell them off to heaven.

Eventually we arrive at the GCR, where we climb the stairs. At least, we are until we're interrupted.

"Excuse me, but where _exactly_ do you think you're going?" The high, angry voice I suddenly hear behind us brings me away from my thoughts for a minute while I concentrate on her. She's a small girl, with thick frames and a sideways ponytail. She's got red streaks through her brown hair and her green eyes are glaring at me with an intensity I wouldn't have assumed a girl her size would have.

"Excuse _me_, but why, _exactly_, do you care?" I reply, my temper flaring. Why does this girl think she can deny me entry? Does everyone just _assume_ they can step all over me?

"As Head Girl, I care. I care _a lot_. I mean, it's not every day that a guy such as _you_ tries to get into the girls' dormitories." Her hands are on her hips and I think my shocked expression Head Girl? anger her more. I don't know if I'm more shocked at being referred to like a randy bastard, or at this little girl holding more authority than I.

"Well," I begin, getting my wits back, "it's not every day a messiah is born, but you wouldn't deny _him_ entry into the world just because he's something new, eh?" A sad comeback, but the best I can summon at the moment.

"You are _certainly_ no messiah, Black." She pauses for a moment, I think realizing she really _can't_ stop me from entering. "They're working on a spell, you know. A spell to stop all of _your kind_ from corrupting the rest of us." With that she turns her back and strides out.

I turn back to look at Lily, but she's already heading on up. I sigh, and continue to follow her. A whole mess of people had amassed thanks to the commotion that Head Girl had made. Now I have to walk past them all.

Damn it.

Lily invites me in, making me feel like a bloody vampire, which in no way helps my mood. She doesn't look like she's going to help me any further than that. As soon as she leads me to Ariadne's dorm, she turns back around and leaves me there. Fine, then. Fuck her.

First, a man-hating Head Girl, and now a bitter ex-friend. Wonder. What's next? I nudge open the partially open door. The room is still dark, like the last time I'd been in here. All the beds are made, except for one.

"Hey, Ariadne." I mumble. It comes out weirder than I had hoped, but I'm glad it had come out at all.

Ariadne's head pops out, like a groundhog might come out of his hole. Her hair is a tangled and snarled, and her eyes are bloodshot. She looks worse than she has since she'd come back from the summer holiday. Immediately my suspicions are proven correct. Something is wrong.

Gingerly, I moved towards the bed, but she sticks her head back under the mess of covers again. "Go away!" she cries, her voice cracking. I stop walking towards the bed, but I don't retreat. This is no ostentation.

"What's wrong?"

"**Go away!** I don't want to talk to you!" I hear her muffled sobs under all the blankets she's covered herself with, and I can't stand back anymore. I sit on the edge of the bed, and I lay a hand on the covers.

"Look, you can t-" Before I can finish, she pushes the covers back and whacks me with her wand across the back of my head frantically. I painfully cry out, but she doesn't heed my cries.

"Get . . . away . . . from . . . me!" Between words she wallops me with her wand until I stand up, bringing my arms up to shield my face. I catch of glimpse of her frightened expression, made worse by her bruised lips and-

"Is that a hickey?" I ask incredulously. She blinks at me for a second, briefly breathing deeply before shoving herself under the covers again.

"Ariadne!" Oh god, what happened? Who . . . how . . .

My dream.

Oh my god.

"Ariadne. Are you okay? Well, of course not, but . . . do you want something, oh my god, have you told anyone?"

"Go away!" She screams this, and even through the blanket, her voice is clear. I run a hand through my hair nervously.

"But what are you-"

"GET OUT! GET OUT, GET OUT, **GET OUT!**" I bite back a response. Maybe . . . I should leave. She need time alone, right? I mean, maybe later, I could maybe . . . bring her something . . .

"Okay. I'll come back . . . later. Bye." I quickly turn around and reach for the doorknob, missing it completely in my hurry.

* * *

**Ariadne Chant::**

Why didn't you save me?


	11. 11

**an update! GASP. thank you for the reviews! Sirius says so little in this chapter :( Please forgive me.

* * *

Sirius Black:**

I am torn. I mean, is it possible not to be? Should I tell a teacher? Even that wretched Dumbledore could be told. But was it really something for me to tell?

It's been eleven days since I found out, and I think that maybe, _perhaps_, I should tell. I mean, who cares if Ariadne hates me for it, it's better for that fucker to be caught than for us to be friends.

I eventually manage to summon enough courage to approach the Head of Gyrffinder. She is sitting in her desk, writing something on a parchment, so intent on her work that she doesn't notice me. I clear my throat, and she looks up, surprised.

"Oh! My, you surprised me! Yes, Mr-"

"Black. Sirius Black." She's new this year, so she can't be expected know my notorious history.

"Black. Indeed. So, do you have any business with me? Questions about your homework? I'm afraid that if you do, you'll have to remind me of your year-"

"I, er, have reason to believe there is a rapist in the Gryffinder House, Professor." Silence greets my words, and her eyes widen. A pang of guilt hits me as I realize that maybe the brand new Head of Gryffinder isn't the best person to have told.

"Who. . . has been the victim, Block?" I don't correct her. She must have enough on her mind.

"It's a fifth year. Her name is Ariadne Chant. I don't know who it is, exactly, and I don't think she does either . . . but isn't there a way to find out?"

"I. . .I must tell the Headmaster. _He'll_ know!" She gets up, pushing her chair back roughly, the legs scraping the floor noisily. She rushes out, looking extremely flustered. A couple of pages drop to the floor, but she's halfway out the door by that time.

I pick up the papers, glancing at them as I do so. It seems to be a test. I shove the sheets into my cloak pockets as I'm walking out.

* * *

**Ariadne Chant:**

Holy shit, I got raped.

I've never felt more vulnerable in my life. And I don't know whom its safe to tell. I wouldn't be surprised if Sirius never spoke to me again. I shouldn't have done such a thing to him. I was just so scared. What if, seeing me vulnerable, he decided to have some fun?

I don't know if I'll ever want another man to touch me. Are they all the same? Or just _him_? That scum. If I knew his face I would blow it open. No man should ever make me feel this hurt, this weak. I hate him more than I have hated many other people. More than I ever hated that father who left me.

I clench my hands around my pillow. I pull at it, but I don't have the strength to break it apart. I've got to go to class today. If I excuse myself from class because of sickness for more than one day, someone will come to take me down the Hospital Wing for a check-up.

Picking up my bag, resigned to the fact that I will have to face everyone today. I don't know if I'm ready at all. I fact, I _know_ I'm not. My fingers linger over the bruises on my arms for a second, and I pause. Shaking my head, I mutter to myself, "I have to stop doing that."

My classes before lunch aren't as bad as I'd thought they would be. I can barely meet anyone's eyes, but that is nothing new. I am usually not awake enough in the mornings to make much small talk, or even eye contact with somebody. One instance raises some suspicion with Lily, but I expect that she will forget it quickly.

It is in the Great Hall during lunch that things get tense for me. In the corner of my eye I notice that Sirius is waving me over, but I turn my head and pretend not to see him. I don't feel like apologizing. Well, if truth be told, I was afraid to apologize. I sat between too strangers and ate in silence for most of the meal.

Mid-meal, the Headmaster stands up, and the room hushes rather quickly. Everyone has their eye on an extremely serious Headmaster, whose gaze seems to be cornering everyone out. I suppose everyone who isn't terrified that the Headmaster has decided to publicly embarrass them, is extremely curious. Either way, his lips are pressed into a tight line, and he doesn't say anything for several seconds.

"It has come to my attention that. . . a situation has occurred. A student in this school has viciously _raped_ by another." My hand goes to my mouth, which immediately hangs open in shock. I am panicking, but I know I can't let anyone know this.

How could anyone _know_? If they know, they would have to have been there. And if they were there, they would have stopped it, wouldn't they?

Maybe it's not even about me, I wonder hopefully. But my optimism plummets. What are the chances that two girls will get raped in a period of three days in Hogwarts?

I immediately feel guilty for almost wishing this pain onto another girl.

"We ask that the guilty party reveal themselves. I will not lie to you; the culpable person _will_ be punished. As well as this, I would like to ask any victim of this heinous crime to reveal him or herself as well. We will help you through this difficult time. You are not alone."

You are not alone. The words almost make me push back my chair and stand up. You are not alone. But I am. I am desperately swallowing my tears as I think this. If just feeling like this makes me feel helpless, how worse will I feel with everyone else seeing me as helpless too? No, I firmly say to myself, no. I stay seated. I am not weak, I can deal with this.

"If anyone has information, please speak to any of the teachers. They will direct you someone you can relay this information to." The Headmaster nods his head to show he has finished, and sits down. Silence swallows the Hall for a few moments, but soon whispers are heard, fluttering around the room like tiny birds. Then, full out conversation.

How did they find out, I ask myself. It could be Lily, I think to myself. She's been asking me if I'm alright for the last few days. Then why didn't she mention my-

"Miss Chant?" I feel a hand on my shoulder. I can't turn back. But I have to.

"Yes?" I reply in my sweetest voice, a false smile gracing my lips. It's that new Headmistress of Gryffinder.

"Will you please come with me?" I don't see a choice, really. I smile graciously once again, and I stand up, nodding my head in assent.

She leads me through the halls, and my heart is beating fast, like those drum rolls that they play before announcing the winner. God, I feel like screaming from the suspense of it all. What if they're not even calling me over for that? Perhaps I've messed something up. I think I just might prefer anything.

"Right over here, Miss," the Headmistress murmurs as she approaches a tall statue of a dragon. "Darth Vader."

Darth Vader? What does-

And then the dragon moves. It opens its mouth to yawn, blinks at me, and steps off the platform. "Oh, shi-" I cry out, covering my face with my arms, to protect myself. But the stone dragon just sits on its haunches on the ground, staring at me. The Headmistress is already up on the platform, waiting expectantly for me.

My eyes don't leave the dragon for fear that it will move and begin to ravage me before the Headmistress can stop it. Somehow I manage to follow her up. Beyond the small doorway on the platform there is a large, long, elegant, extravagant staircase. I cannot see the top. I curse under my breath. Is _this_ the headmaster's office?

Our steps are so loud as we clink our way up the staircase. My legs are tired far before we're even near to the top. I clutch the rail tightly, pulling myself up as casually as I can. I don't want the Head of Gryffinder to think I am some weakling.

When at last we reach the top, I'm out of breath, and my thighs ache. They'll hurt in the morning, I'm sure of it. And there is the Headmaster.

"Oh deeear, is dis the _powr_ gerl hew got-" What? Since when did the Headmaster get such a horrid accent?

"Shut up, Oedipus. This is a serious matter and your chattering is not helping none- I mean, at all." The Headmaster is addressing the large bird near his desk, I realize. I examine the bird closely. There's not much there, truth be told. Its feathers are a bright array of hues, from blue to green to red. It's claws look sharp, and every so often, he fidgets on his perch. His beak is twisted downwards maliciously, and its eyes look sharp enough to cut glass.

"Das an insult, dat is." The bird sounds injured, and turns his back on his master, sniffing cheerlessly.

"You asked for her to be brought to you?" the Head asks shyly, stepping behind me a bit, as if she is expecting to be dismissed.

"Yes, yes," he murmurs, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. He leans over suddenly, and stares at me intently. "Who was it, Miss. Chant?"

"Who was what?" I ask, attempting to make my voice as calm as possible.

His expression did not change. He continues to stare at me, his eyes seemingly empty of any expression. He's studying me, I realize with dread. Why do people always feel the need to burrow into me? I'm the one who can burrow into him! I proved that with Ambrose hadn't I?

"Who _raped _you, Miss Chant?" His voice is purposely sharp and clear. He want to shock an answer out of me. But he won't. I'm not idiot. I can read minds, I'm not going to fall for any _mind_ tricks.

"He can not hurt you anymore," the Headmistress adds. I had forgotten she was there. Hadn't the woman wanted to leave a few minutes ago?

"I really have no idea what you're talking about. "I fold my hands in my lap. "If someone had hurt me, I would say something. No one has." I look up at the Headmaster, my eyes wide and innocent. He has to believe me. . .

"If you tell us who he is, we'll expel him and then there will be absolutely no way for him to get to you again." He looks so eager to help, too. I'd admit to it. . . but, I can't. How can I admit to my biggest weakness. Because what happened is exactly that, a sign of weakness.

And shame. Because. . .I wonder, in the back of my mind if I enjoyed it. Because if I hadn't, maybe I would have fought harder. Maybe if I hadn't wanted it I could have escaped. So perhaps something in the deep crevasses of my mind did not regret that the rape happened.

"We have a testimony that you have been a victim of a rape, Miss Chant. Now, you can either tell us of your own free will, or we will assume you are protecting him for some reason. Are you, Miss Chant?" The Headmaster leans in dangerously, and stares at me, if it's even possible, more intently.

I lean back in my chair, and I frown. "Fine, don't believe me!" I push the chair back as I stand up, using this momentary height to my advantage. "I don't bloody care. I wasn't raped. I don't know who told you I was, but he's wrong. I mean, it was nighttime, right? This witness could have heard anything in the middle of the night!"

The two adults are completely silent. They glance at each other and seem to be passing secret messages, which I cannot decode. This is ridiculous! What are they, five years old? Say what you mean.

"We didn't tell you the rape took place at night, Miss Chant."

Damn it.


End file.
